Package Ibiza: hedonism or hell?

As something of an Ibiza veteran - this was my eighth trip in as many years - I consider myself a bit of an authority on Ibizan etiquette. And the advice I have always imparted to Ibiza innocents is: 'Don't, under any circumstances, go near anything masquerading as a clubbing package.' Yes, I've been there and, yes, I still bear the scars.

As an ingenuous 17-year-old, I was taken in by a tour operator promising the consummate clubbing experience, with free VIP club admissions and envy-inducing excursions arranged in exchange for frightful flight times (on a barely airworthy carrier) and the vaguest of accommodation descriptions. I learned the hard way.

Duped clientele

Our destination, it transpired (17 hours of flight delays later) was a squalid, no-star apartment in the 'Scunthorpe-in-the-sun' resort of San Antonio; a roach-infested pit, staffed by commission-hungry reps and populated by a disenchanted, similarly duped clientele.

The excursions? Try £80-a-head line dancing (with all the watered-down sangria you can drink). And the VIP entries? To 'niteclubs' of the kind frequented by mustachioed Germans - think topless waitresses and an extortionate minimum bar spend.

So my initial reticence when invited to live it large on a three night Ministry Of Sound Clubber's Guide trip was understandable. But the newly-rebranded holidays arm of the clubbing institution has a brochure that did much to allay my fears: a superior selection of accommodation, from basic, in the thick-of-it apartments in popular resorts to the budget blowing majesty of five-star hotel Pikes (a favourite with the DJing elite), as well as stunning, secluded villas and the option of two and three-night breaks alongside the usual seven and 14-night suspects - well, it'd be rude not to.

Staying at the newly-opened Es Vive in Figueretas (a restful resort within staggering distance of most of the major clubs) was a revelation: a reasonably-priced, central hotel boasting Indonesian furniture and a bar menu brimming with the likes of mushroom tortellini with sage butter sauce. And not a drunken Union Jack-brandisher in sight.

Ibiza is hedonism's spiritual home, and such mind-blowing memories don't come cheap: with club admissions creeping ever nearer the £50 mark (and vodka mixers coming in at an eye-watering £8 a piece), it makes sense to save money where you can. What really makes this package unique is the complimentary admission to three of the island's fable-creating clubs included in the price: Ministry Of Sound at Pacha, Judge Jules's Judgement Sundays at Eden, the legendary marathon mash-up Sundays At Space (and, for the strong of stamina, discounted entry to Circo Loco at DC-10).

Serious posing

Having taken full advantage of the gratis club entries, what better way to take your mind off your aching liver than to partake of some serious posing? For £100 a head the fabulous, white leather-lined speedboat Distraction will whisk you from Ibiza's boutique-studded marina to the beatific, Caribbeanesque waters of neighbouring island Formentera, eliciting many envious glances along the way. My inaugural visit to this unspoilt paradise - a haven for wildlife, snorkellers and detoxing sun-seekers alike - is the latest addition to my burgeoning list of all-time Ibiza highlights.

The verdict? Well, I've been forced to re-evaluate my preconceptions of what a once-feared clubbing package can entail. And if they can convert a cynical old hack like me...

Call 020 7836 1414 or visit www.ministryofsound.com/travel