And so I stumbled across Kneipp Joint & Muscle Mineral Bath Salt with arnica. It is my friend. The bottle is plasticky. The salts are a grim orange. The smell, while not unpleasant, is far from ambrosial. But it works. A 15-minute soak in the Berocca-hued water and I can rise without grunting, walk without groaning. And I suspect it has diuretic qualities, too, because water retention is no longer a thing. No bloat. I can see the remarkable effect that Amélie is having on my waistline. Which makes it a whole lot easier to forgive her — most of the time.