You beauty! Institut Esthederm bronze repair body lotion

I’m going to blind you with ignorance. I have no idea how Institut Esthederm suncream works and no one will tell me.

The literature that comes with the product seems almost deliberately obscure (the company is French, you see… tricky), but it’s something about training the skin to adapt to the sun on a cellular level. Don’t know if I believe that. But I do know this: I have been using Institut Esthederm suncream for ten years, and I always tan but never burn. We call it ‘magic cream’ in my house. It is one of those products that brings out my inner miser. I always carry a spare suncream with me — something intensely revered and luxurious, such as Sisley — so that I can lend that one out and keep the magic cream for my own selfish self.

(I positively ply people with my decoy sunscreen and everyone thinks I am recklessly generous.) The bottles have one star for gentle sun, two for normal and three for extreme. Whether or not this is just a novel way of masking a conventional SPF system, this is a targeted anti-ageing sun range that allows for relatively guilt-free tanning. A non-pink ticket, if you like.

So, in conclusion, I don’t know how it works and, between you and me, I don’t really care.

Institut Esthederm Bronz Repair Body Lotion, £63, at uk.spacenk.com