You beauty!

If the hairs on my head were my children, I’d be hauled up in court and the shamefully neglected strands would be put in someone else’s care.

Because I’m A-OK. I’ve had a holiday. I’ve slathered my skin to protect and preserve. I’ve nurtured my body with poolside Pilates and one vile, panting run in the Mediterranean heat. I’ve soothed my spirit with lolling and generous conversation. But my hair? Well, it’s proper knackered.

I abandoned it to the rancour of salt and sun and chlorine and backcombing and a vulgarity of product to battle humidity. I didn’t spray anything to prevent the subtle lowlights from stripping back and joining up to give the impression of gold straw. So, frankly, I look brassy and a bit cheap.

The thing is I’m tight about my hair. I feel clenchy about the idea of spending £25 on a bottle of miracle shampoo. But John Frieda’s new Full Repair range is, at £5.59, approachable. Many other, pricier treatment shampoos leave fine hair so bogged down in oils and enzymes that it looks lank and awful. The Full Repair Full Body Shampoo smooths out the Worzelness while boosting bounce. Which means I don’t need to tease and spray so much. Which I believe, Your Honour, means I am now enjoying a virtuous circle: Frieda is parenting my hair while I try to leave it in peace. At least for the moment...

John Frieda Full Repair Full Body Shampoo, £5.59, at superdrug.com