Ukraina Hotel: size matters when you’re in Moscow

The iconic Ukraina Hotel in Moscow, this year rebranded as a Radisson Collection property (the brand’s most premium offering), could be the definition of “extra”. This is not a discreet boutique down a backstreet that you’ll struggle to locate; it’s in one of the Russian capital’s gargantuan, jaw-dropping Seven Sisters. They’re the city’s answer to New York’s skyscrapers, built in the Forties and Fifties in fabulous, sprawling splendour. Prepare to be starstruck.

Looks

Inside, the decadence continues. They really, really, really like gold here. The design is very Old Russia — if you’re looking for contemporary style, this ain’t it. Instead, expect a sweeping marble entrance hall where the reception desk takes at least five minutes and three false starts to find, housing — what else? — a Rolls-Royce showroom and private members’ club; chandeliers dripping with crystals hanging from every ceiling; and plush fabrics in shades ranging from royal purple to deep sage to pale gold (Did I mention that they like gold?).

Feel

The hotel is — and I can’t stress this enough — massive. There are 501 rooms (cut down from the venue’s previous incarnation, which had more than 1,000) and this means that, while not impersonal as such, the service is different to what you’d find in a smaller joint. There are more than 2,000 staff, so expecting the barman to remember your drink order would be laughable. That said, everyone I encountered was personable, helpful and spoke excellent English.

The clientele is a varied melting pot of families, couples and business travellers, the last often there to use the hotel’s extensive conference facilities: but there’s more than enough room for everyone to rub along.

Extras

There are 19 restaurants and bars (some of which are across the road from the hotel), ranging from authentic Russian to fine dining to… well, anything you could imagine.

There’s also a wellness centre with a pool that’s just shy of Olympic size, a spacious gym and a spa offering treatments including a traditional Russian sauna where you pay a burly man who looks like a Bond villain’s henchman to hit you with sticks.

There’s a rooftop viewing platform on the 34th floor with 360-degree views of Moscow, and even a tiny, two-person restaurant often used for proposals (the woman is presented with a box that contains both an engagement ring and a number of live butterflies).

And the piece de resistance? A huge diorama of the city on the ground floor (Astronaut Neil Armstrong apparently offered to buy it once but was told firmly that “Moscow is not for sale”).

Outside

The hotel enjoys a prominent position on the banks of the Moska river, opposite the grand-looking White House where the Russian Federation Government is based. It’s handy but not completely central — the nearest metro station is Kievskaya, a 15-minute walk away. From there you can access the main sites, such as Red Square and the Kremlin, via a direct metro to Ploshchad Revolyutsii.

Dark side

The size can inadvertently prove to be a drawback. I left my coat in one of the property’s bars, and it took me more than 36 hours to track it down. Bigger isn’t always better.

In a nutshell

Traditional yet blingy Russian opulence and all the facilities you could ever need — it’s been described as a city within a city, and that’s not far from the truth.