The lovers' guide to Christmas

CHRISTMAS FOR TWO

Where is the best place to meet my lover for a romantic tryst on Christmas Eve?

Esther says
You can't beat a station for romance and St Pancras International is a fantastically festive place these days. Meet up at the Champagne Bar, or in St Pancras Grand for some dinner. The Wolseley (www.thewolseley.com) does Christmas brilliantly and everyone is always in such a good mood — presumably because they've managed to get a table. If you can't manage to get one for lunch or dinner try for tea instead. If that doesn't work, meet at the Dean Street Townhouse (www.deanstreettownhouse.com) for some Soho good times, and if you get carried away, its "Broom Cupboard" rooms are only £90 a night. It's a bit out of the way, but you can't beat the Holly Bush Pub in Hampstead (22 Holly Mount, NW3) for a bit of Dickensian cosiness. If it's a nice day, go for a stroll on the Heath (but secretly hope that the wind and the rain trap you inside by the fire).

Nirpal says
For a romantic eve of Christmas night out just meet outside Liberty or Selfridges and enjoy their window displays. They're as clever, witty and creative as anything that will be entered for the Turner Prize. Then, while eating roasted chestnuts — the only street food you can get in London now, other than hotdogs — amble through town, arm in arm, watching the last- minute frenzy of shoppers, and arrive at Somerset House for a delightful, open-air evening of ice-skating and hot chocolate. It'll be the most traditional and exquisitely simple Christmas outing you've had.

What's the etiquette for introducing my new squeeze to the family on Christmas Day?

Esther says
Christmas Day is highly charged, even in the nicest and most relaxed families. So if you absolutely must introduce your new boyfriend or girlfriend to your entire family on Christmas Day, it's probably best that you do it for no more than an hour — for a Buck's Fizz and a mince pie in the morning or for a sherry and a mince pie in the evening. To really smooth things along, introduce him/her to at least one member of your family beforehand — perhaps meet them at the station with your sister; that way, entering the house will be less like the Charge of the Light Brigade for your partner, your sister will feel smug and chosen and everyone else will correspondingly vie for his/her attention.

Nirpal says
Never introduce someone to your family on Christmas Day. The mixture of flowing booze, indigestion and innumerable skeletons waiting to fall out of family cupboards makes this the least auspicious day for bringing someone special home. Ancient family antagonisms will inevitably emerge and you will be left mortified if your parents finally have that row that's brewed all year. Go on Boxing Day instead.

I'm besotted with my new boyfriend but we're spending Christmas Day apart. Can you recommend any coping strategies?

Esther says
Just wallow in the gorgeous romance of it all. Being apart from a new love, especially at Christmas, is one of the most excruciatingly delicious things that life has to offer. Relish having to be brave and polite safe in the knowledge that, under the guise of going to the loo, you are going to dash to the one room of the house that has mobile reception and bash out a delirious text to your boy that goes on for so long that he gets it with *some text missing*. Whatever you do, don't whinge to anyone about spending Christmas apart, or coo down the phone publicly. It's gross.

Nirpal says
Have phone sex at every available moment. You can send filthy text messages to one another saying exactly what you'll do to one another when you get back together. Or, you can be really sad and webcam each other from your respective dining tables.

Is it OK to sleep with my girlfriend when I stay at her parents' house this year?

Esther says
It's OK, but she might not want to do the wild thing in her old bedroom with Mr Bear staring at her from a bookshelf. And if her parents put you in different bedrooms, stay there and use the opportunity to get a really good night's sleep. It's tacky and childish to corridor-creep.

Nirpal says
It may be that she makes a point of having noisy sex with you in earshot of her parents just to show them she's her own woman. That's happened to me before. Meeting her folks over breakfast wasn't a convivial event. Have sex, by all means, but try to be discreet.

HOME ALONE

I'm available this Christmas. What should I wear to parties to signal this?

Esther says
If you've got nice legs, get them out; if you've got a nice bosom, get that out. But stick to legs OR cleavage, however thin and gorgeous you are. Looks to steer clear of: too much glittery make-up, antlers, heels so high you can't walk.

Nirpal says
Wear whatever makes you feel comfortable and confident. If you want a clever, assured and sexy man then you should reflect those qualities in your attire. Looking like a floozy won't help.

What's the best way to get an emergency date for a party?

Esther says
Women should ask male friends to set them up with someone — never ask girlfriends as they will set you up with someone ugly but "really funny", or with someone they secretly fancy, and will then go completely mental if you snog them. I know it sounds crazy but I've seen it happen.

Nirpal says

Ask an ex from a few relationships ago if they'd like to hang out with you. An old flame will always want to know how you're getting on once the dust has settled and may even still be holding a candle for you. Otherwise, join an internet dating site and hook up with any of the millions of other singletons who are hoping not to be lonely over Christmas. The best advice I've heard all year is to check out www.fridaynightsucks.com to find a game singleton at short notice. No guarantee of romance, but you'll have some fun.

And finally, where's the best place to guarantee a snog when the Bells sound?

Esther says
You can stack the odds in your favour by attending a small gathering; huge, public gatherings sound like they're the obvious place for a midnight kiss, but in reality they're too cold and bewildering. If you're in the east, try the 1920s themed Prohibition party with flappers, dandies, silent cinema and live music (The Arches, 29 New Inn Yard, EC2, £20, www.prohibition1920s.com), or a get bit of intimacy at Callooh Callay, where pocket watches and alarm clocks will hang from the ceiling so that you can't miss the moment (£20, 65 Rivington Street, EC2, www.calloohcallaybar.com). For something more central go to Altitude 360 for canapés, a buffet supper and champagne at midnight with romantic sky high views of London (£95, Millbank Tower, SW1, www.altitudelondon.com).

Nirpal says
Snogging strangers at New Year is the best way to get swine flu. Besides, you'll be drunk and they're bound to be ugly — so why bother? But if you must, house parties are always a better place to pull than the high-pressure meat markets of nightclubs. Get chatting to someone nice around 10pm and come the witching hour they're bound to snog you just out of tradition.