The lazy girl's guide to losing weight

Is there anything more tedious than a size 8 whippet of a woman droning on about how many macaroons she eats, how little she exercises and how she just wishes she would put on a couple of pounds? Emphatically no. Naturally, actresses are the worst sinners. Lissom Blake Lively claims to love nothing more than a full-fat Coke and chips; tiny Sienna Miller apparently adores a fry-up; and barely there Keira Knightley says she spends her nights devouring pasta and bottles of wine. Yes, we hate them, but only because we want to be them. So here you go, lazy girls, the latest treatments to help you lose weight without breaking sweat...

THE SHAPE-UP SHORTS
Wear the electro-activated Slendertone System-Shorts for half an hour and the makers claim it's as good as huffing and puffing through 60 reverse leg lifts. They say: your bottom will be up to 90 per cent firmer after six weeks. We say: these shorts aren't pretty so keep them behind closed doors at all times.

The shorts come with four pads (two for the upper part of your behind, two for the lower area), which slide into strategically placed pockets. Flick the hand-held controller's switch and the pads use electro muscle stimulation (EMS) technology to activate the nerves, triggering muscle movement (you'll feel a slight contraction) and imitating the kind of exercises you'd do during a resistance weights workout.

'Women are moving away from the super-skinny look towards toned, curvy bodies. This way, you can multitask by doing things around the house and contour your bottom at the same time,' says beauty guru Nichola Joss, who attends to the likes of Elle Macpherson and Scarlett Johansson. Spend 30 minutes every day in the shorts for a month and you'll (almost) be on your way to the kind of toned bottom Jennifer Lopez would be proud of.
£139, at harrods.com from next month

THE QUICK-SLIM SUPPLEMENTS
Functionalab makes the go-to supplements for fashion types and actresses who want to look good without passing on the pizza - even famously svelte Gwyneth Paltrow is rumoured to have a stash. The new Body Toning Beauty Pack takes a two-pronged approach to firming up the buttocks, abdomen, hips and thighs.

A fast-absorbing gel is applied morning and night, and you take three supplements a day. Devout adherence to the programme promises results within six weeks. Containing ginger and grapefruit extracts, the Sculpting Gel claims to 'release trapped fat cells', prevent new ones from forming and stimulate circulation and lymphatic drainage to lessen the orange peel effect. The pills accelerate your fat loss from the inside.

'The chromium within the supplements is the single most important mineral for regulating the metabolism of carbohydrates, fats and proteins that induce weight loss,' says A-list nutritionist Vicki Edgson. 'The added flax seed powder supplies essential fatty acids that strengthen collagen deep within the skin and make for a firmer, smoother surface on your thighs, bottom and hips.'
£77 for a 90-day supply, at harveynichols.com

THE TONE-UP TAN
It may not help you drop a dress size, but 15 minutes with mastermind tanner James Read is all you need to create the illusion of the long, lean body of a Pilates addict - without having to do so much as a cat stretch. This is the Hervé Léger dress of tans, so no wonder the It-crowd (Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Lady Gaga and Mariah Carey are all on his roster) is swarming to James's private suite in the Sanderson hotel.

Like them, you'll have to exfoliate 24 hours before your appointment, and then let James do the hard work. He will analyse your body shape and natural muscle distribution with an artist's eye before applying a light base tan all over your body. 'Using specially designed nozzles, I use a darker spray like L'Oréal Paris Sublime Bronze Express Spray Pro to add shadow in the natural dents surrounding your triceps, biceps, abs and leg muscles to fake toned definition,' says James. He then crushes a little of Guerlain's Terracotta Light Sheer Bronzing Powder before brushing it on to highlight the collarbones, neck, shins and forearms and give the skin a soft sheen.
£50 (sandersonlondon.com)

THE ANTI-GYM
There are some women who like exercise, then there are those who use the Hypoxi. The Dyson of fat loss, the USP of Harrods' Hypoxi machine is that it targets specific problem areas, then uses a suction-like action to help you drop a dress size in a month. Madonna and Anna Friel are said to be converts; Cheryl Cole loved it so much she bought her own machine for £36,000.