The Crush: the Wimbledon commentators

The Crush is pretty relaxed about polyamory — why limit yourself — but discernment is key: it’s more a tempting smorgasbord than an all-you-can-eat buffet.

On this occasion, the BBC has done the choosing for us, dishing up three aces (ha!) for our delectation. And indeed for Sue Barker’s, with whom they enjoy a flirtation more titillating than many a doubles match. Back in the 1980s, John McEnroe, Boris Becker and Pat Cash won seven Wimbledon men’s singles titles between them.

Becker, of course, was a puppyish 17-year-old, the youngest man ever to win the tournament. McEnroe was a less cuddly character, famed for his temper, which was almost as unruly as his frizzy hair. Pat Cash was the punky Aussie who began the now traditional victor’s climb into the stand to embrace family members upon victory.

But enough of memory lane. Age has not only left the three racketmen unwithered, it might even be said to have improved them: to have mellowed Mac, loosened up Becker (who these days also enjoys a spell at the poker table) and provoked an utterly sensible streak in Cash, who has endeared himself to the home crowd with his praise for Laura Robson. Boris may boast the jowls of a prosperous technocrat, McEnroe may have grown some seriously grey sideburns and Pat just won’t give up his dangly earrings, but we forgive them.

The trio’s sage reportage on the goings-on in SW19 makes even the drippiest rain delay bearable — and not a single one of them can boast a quintessentially English accent. Now, is that the attraction?