The Crush: Jonathan Ive

Crush would always swipe right on Jonathan Ive, Apple’s hunky, chunky, chief designer, whose bald head is as pleasingly smooth and ergonomic as the iPhone 6 Plus. We were also thrilled to learn that this king of Silicon Valley is a Londoner born and bred, and at school in Chingford was nicknamed Tiny. It’s no wonder he believes size really does matter.

Sure, his Snapchat contacts stretch from Chris Martin to Stephen Fry, but it’s not Jony’s friends in high places that really power Crush up (though news that he helped pal JJ Abrams redesign the lightsaber gave us a momentary geekgasm). What really makes us want to get all skeuomorphic with Sir Jony (did we mention he’s a knight of the round tablet) is a very particular personality and obsessive attention to detail that even Christian Grey would admire.

For a start, it took three years to settle on the screen dimensions for the latest iPhone and can Crush just say, Jony, 4.7 inches is fine by us. Furthermore, Ive can’t cope with corners, telling The New Yorker that Jobs’ original design for apps ‘drove me crazy. All I could see were these unresolved tangency breaks.’ So if Ive and his historian wife Heather ever go on a tangency break of their own — surely the tech equivalent of a conscious uncoupling — Crush is here on standby (geddit?).