Romantically, I’m on a losing streak. How do I get the ball rolling again?

They are candid, provocative - and totally at odds with each other. Our resident 'sexperts' Nirpal Dhaliwal and Esther Walker offer conflicting advice on Londoners' sexual dilemmas...

Relax. You are not on a losing streak. You are experiencing what is technically known in relationship-discussion circles as "a drought". It is an inexplicable and elastic time-space during which a person is entirely unattractive to all and every member of the opposite sex and, in turn, doesn't find anyone else attractive either.
You are like one of those fish that can change sex in order to even out gender imbalances in its group, except that you have suddenly become asexual. You didn't choose to do it. And you can't willingly change back.

A lot of people will tell you that the drought is your fault: that you're not getting out enough, you're being too fussy, you're not washing thoroughly. But, in most of the droughts I've seen (a lot) it's not usually the fault of the person experiencing the drought. It's just their turn.

Everyone always laughs at me whenever I start talking about fate in conjunction with romance, but when you're bang in the middle of a drought and feel that if you have to spend one more Sunday alone you might just throw yourself under a bus, it doesn't seem so silly.

So, just think of it this way: you are supposed to be alone for a bit. The universe decrees it. As a fascinating and urbane Londoner, you will, of course, be doing all the things you need to do in order to maximise the possibility of meeting The One: you are going to parties and washing behind your ears. You don't tuck your shirt into your underpants or laugh at your own jokes.

It's not fair that you're not scoring at the moment but you're just going to have to accept that it's not meant to be right now. Shake your fist at the heavens, keep reading your horoscope for signs of recovery and sit tight.

A helpful thing to do to while away those lonely evenings is to make a list of all the things you are looking for in an ideal partner. I know this seems preposterously picky when you are in the middle of a drought, but it will stop you — and this really is crucial, so listen — from diving into a relationship with the first person who looks at you twice just because you're so bored.

Be brutally honest about yourself and mark your overall attractiveness out of 10. Then date people who are at least two points below you. Date anyone who shows an interest to get into the groove of meeting new people and feeling comfortable. Learn how to be funny, engaging and sexual again.

You have to hone your skills against weaker prey before chasing the big game, and everyone's attractiveness increases when they're in a relationship. The other person will be devastated when you move on — but who cares? You can't get an upgrade unless you've booked a seat for the journey. And it serves them right for believing someone so out of their league would ever stick around.

Cynically using others as esteem-enhancing emotional props to stave off the stigma and anxiety of loneliness until someone better comes along is nothing to be ashamed of. It's a common human survival mechanism and is currently the basis for just over 100 per cent of London couples.

Or, you can use the most sexually powerful organ in the human body: your ears. Most people think you have to impress others to make them fancy you, when you only have to listen to them. Impress someone at the start and you'll be slaving to impress them for ever.

Instead, restraining your ego and allowing someone to relax and be themselves in your willing and attentive company is enough to get them horny as you both settle into the same wavelength.