Raising hell: Tiger Mother vs Slow Dad

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10 April 2012

Tiger Mother's tough love parenting style has the world cowering and there's only one man who can stop her. But is Slow Dad too laid-back to care? Gavanndra Hodge weighs up the contenders...

TIGER MOTHER

Professor Amy Chua, 48
A Yale academic, writer and lawyer. The daughter of first-generation immigrants from the Philippines, she was raised in the American Midwest. Before embarking on her new career as an exponent of the cult of the Tiger Mother she wrote books about the free market democracy and global instability.

Inspiration When her daughter Louisa, then 13, smashed a glass in a Moscow restaurant and shouted: 'I hate the violin, I hate my life, I hate you!' after an argument about eating caviar.

Philosophy 'The solution to substandard performance is always to excoriate, punish and shame the child.'

Timetable Two hours of Chinese a day. No playdates, no TV, no computer games. Any grade under an A is unacceptable. Only instruments allowed are piano and violin (drums 'lead to drugs'). Not allowed to be in a school play, or complain about not being in a school play. Be first in every subject except gym and drama. Be two years ahead of classmates in maths. As a result Sophia knew the alphabet at 18 months; she also took to gnawing the piano.

Holidays The Tigers have visited an impressive number of countries, but TM always makes sure to book a practice room near where they are staying so the girls can work on their piano and violin. Beach holidays are banned.

Scary times Er, where to begin? She called her daughters 'garbage', threatened to give Sophia's doll's house to the Salvation Army if she did not learn a piano piece and rejected Louisa's hand-made birthday card because it was
not up to TM standards.

Success Sophia played Carnegie Hall at 14. Louisa received a musical prodigy award. The rights to Chua's bestseller Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother have been sold in 13 countries.

Backlash Has received death threats and been called 'the worst mother ever'. But, frankly, she doesn't seem bothered.

Fraud? Sophia has pointed out that TM forgot to include all the really fun bike rides they went on as a family

Mr Tiger Jed Rubenfeld is a fellow professor of law at Yale. He is from a liberal Jewish background and cedes to his wife in all matters of childcare (wouldn't you?). He also writes period detective fiction. His debut, The Interpretation of Murder, was a
Richard and Judy Book Club winner. The Tigers live in New Haven, Connecticut, with their daughters Sophia, 18, and Louisa, 15.

SLOW DAD

Carl Honoré, 42
An Edinburgh-born journalist who reinvented himself as a lazy-lifestyle guru six years ago with the publication of In Praise of Slow: How a Worldwide Movement is Challenging the Cult of Speed. This was followed up (suspiciously swiftly) by Under Pressure: Putting the Child Back In Childhood.

Inspiration When he found himself in an airport queue in Rome, intrigued by an article about 60-second bedtime stories. In his previous incarnation as Dad-with-no-time, he had been known to speed-read Snow White, cutting the seven dwarfs down to three.

Philosophy 'Slow parenting means allowing our children to work out who they are rather than what we want them to be. It means letting things happen rather than jumping in and forcing them.'

Timetable Homeschooling; limited homework; more art, drama and music. Lots of unstructured time spent hunting ladybirds in woods and playing with wooden toys. Unchaperoned trips to local shops. Sucking on icicles picked up off the road (yes, really). Rolling in mud. Ice-skating without helmets.

Holidays The Slow-mos seek stillness and calm in the remotest corners of the world, such as the Altiplano desert in Bolivia where they stroll and camp.

Scary times Probably the only person who would be freaked out by SD is TM, particularly when Slow Son, seven, tells SD that he doesn't want an art tutor and SD realises that, yes, he is being too pushy and SS should be allowed to develop his creativity at his own pace. Cue mad ninja flip-out from TM.

Success Slow Son drew a portrait of Darth Vadar and is considering joining an after-school sketching club. In Praise of Slow has been translated into 31 languages.

Backlash Polls show that 78 per cent of us would rather work longer hours and have more money, rather than more spare time and less pay. Sorry, SD.

Fraud? SD now traverses the world speaking at Slow conventions, even getting done for speeding on an autostrada on the way to a Slow Food symposium.

Mrs Slow Miranda France is a linguist and writer who lived with SD in Buenos Aires for three years before moving back to London. She publishes her debut novel Hill Farm, about the transformation of farming family life in rural England in the 1970s, in April. It features a hunky Australian farmhand called Jack. The Slow-mos live in Battersea with their two children.

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