Most of all, you need to be honest about whether he's the right man for you, whatever shape he's in.
If he were making you laugh and feel sexy, happy and good about yourself, you wouldn't care about his paunch and scruffy outfits. I don't think the problems in your relationship will be solved with just a makeover.
Esther says
"Let himself go"? How coy. You just mean he's got fat, surely?
A certain sort of man gets fat because he feels powerless in other areas of his life. Like an anorexic, he desperately seeks control over something.
So what if he's totally disappointed with his lot in life and feels denied the vast respect he believes he deserves? At least he can still get fat.
He can cultivate a grotesque belly and wobbly jowls. He can smoke and drink and scoff and sweat only when he's eating a really hot curry. Ha! That will show them all.
This man I can't help you with. This man needs therapy.
But your partner sounds, just generally, like a bit of a scruff and so it's more likely, you'll be pleased to hear, that he simply doesn't realise what a butterball he's become.
(Unless he is really so huge that he has his own pulley system to get him in and out of bed, or you've noticed that small objects are starting to orbit him.)
You are entitled to feel that something must be done, because being fat is bad for you.
Forget all that stuff about not fancying him any more; to keep an eye on your loved one's weight is to keep an eye on their health. But if you want to have the right effect, you must be careful how you address the subject.
People talk about the "fragile" male ego as if it was something pathetic or bad. It's neither of those things, it is just a fact and you can only work with it, not against it.
So telling him to lose weight because his man boobs make you feel physically sick might seem appropriately shocking, but it's not really worth the damage to his pride.
And it won't get you the results that you want; scorn doesn't tend to work on anyone and it really doesn't work on men, so don't bother trying.
Instead, try "stumbling" across some old photographs in which he looked slimmer and, ideally, happier. Or perhaps announce that you're having a clear-out and then leave some of his old clothes out for him to try on (in private) and keep if they still fit.
That way, he can and will see for himself the reality of his weight gain and take control of the situation positively without feeling nagged or — crucially — humiliated.
