My London: Graydon Carter

Where do you stay in London?
Claridge's. I know it's known for its Art Deco rooms, but I prefer the fussier, more old- fashioned ones. If I can get a corner room overlooking Davies Street, so much the better.

What was the last gig you saw in London?
I don't even know what a gig is any more. I believe my last show was Boeing-Boeing. Unless it was The Importance of Being Earnest.

What advice would you give a tourist?
It's pronounced Lester' Square. Don't ask me why.

Which London shops do you rely on?
Anderson & Sheppard, Crockett & Jones, Hilditch & Key, James Smith & Sons – pretty much any shop with an ampersand in its name – and Cordings. And Hamleys.

What's the best meal you've had in London?
I love The Wolseley and The Ivy and Le Caprice and Scott's and all that, but far and away the best meal I've ever had was at Riva in Barnes, which Adrian Gill and Nicola Formby dragged me to. That was a few years ago, and I've been dreaming of it ever since.

What's your earliest London memory?
Sailing from Canada on the SS Italia in the early 1950s. I was just a tot, but I can still remember the tiny shops, the tea biscuits, and the coin-operated room heaters. Later, I became completely mystified by Anthony Eden's hat.

What would be on your tombstone?
Do I have to dial 9 to get out of here?

What are you most afraid of?
Anything that could harm my wife or children.

What are your guilty pleasures?
The occasional cigarette, Jilly Cooper novels, Judd Apatow movies, and Private Eye – although that is actually just a pleasure.

What would you do as Mayor of London for the day?
I'd reverse the ban on smoking indoors, pass a bill to bring back the red phone boxes, then turn the office key back over to Boris Johnson. But first, I'd ask the Queen to lunch.

What's your life philosophy?
If you come with a problem, bring the solution.

What was the last album you bought?
I think you've asked the wrong person, but probably something by Dave Brubeck.

What would you save from a fire?
My five children and my wife. And maybe a few original copies of Spy magazine.

What makes you laugh?
Phil Silvers, Fran Lebowitz, Larry David, Preston Sturges, Taki, PG Wodehouse, and WC Fields. Plus my family, and that fabulous squirrel in Ice Age.

What makes you cry?
The movies Rudy and The Bishop's Wife, and pretty much anything by Frank Capra.

What are you up to at the moment?
Editing Vanity Fair, producing a couple of documentaries, and helping to operate two restaurants: The Waverly Inn and the Monkey Bar. (Do come. We take all major credit cards.)