Louis Wise on how to get out of commitments easily

It’s easy being a commitment-phobe, explains Louis Wise. Just say no

Louis Wise gives the perfect tips to getting out of your commitments

19 March 2020

A while back my sister was telling me about a concert she was doing, a virtuous affair involving charity, children and assorted ‘funky’ hymns.

Would I like to come? ‘I’d like to!’ I said brightly. My brother-in-law smiled. ‘Louis, you always say, “I’d like to”, but does it actually mean you’ll come?’ Guys, just in case you’re not up-to-date: this was what you call ‘a read’.

I say ‘I’d like to’ a lot. It’s my default response as a tired but still excitable Londoner, happy to contemplate all that’s on offer but not quite so eager to commit. It served me well in my old job, where I’d be invited to lots of fun-sounding things: premieres, performance art, mime, the illustrious launch of Britain’s Next Top Model. Whenever someone would have the temerity to ask, ‘But are you actually coming?’, my reply would be: ‘I’d like to.’ Which basically means, ‘it sounds truly tempting, but sadly something will probably get in the way’. This could be distance, deadlines, or — yes, awful — a better offer. Did I mention my sister was singing for charity? Sometimes it’s nice to know you’re really vile.

I would still like to defend this tactic. I recommend it to anyone negotiating life in the Big Smoke. Working and socialising here can be exhausting; you simply cannot do it all in one day. I often go by my Citymapper rule, which is that any journey under 45 minutes is a doddle, while anything above it is an outrage. Your picnic is only 42 mins away? That’s absolutely fine, I’ll just listen to a podcast en route. Your drinks will take 48 mins? Actually, hun, this is quite inconsiderate of you. I’ve been out all week already and my mental health is super-fragile. In 48 minutes I could get a train out to the seaside, to the countryside, or at the very least to a really good Ikea. What makes you think I should trek over to drink four sad pints in Fulham? Saying ‘no’ sounds a little brutal, though. ‘I’d like to’ travels half the way.

I always thought that being a commitment-phobe was reprehensible, until I realised I was one myself.

I then dressed it up as ‘confusion’, ‘over-ambition’, ‘childlike enthusiasm’, and then I had to concede I was a bit of an arse. Certainly my sister, who I love dearly, deserves better. She has two children and a career to manage, and I know that ‘I’d like to’ just doesn’t cut it. Nowadays, when she asks me to babysit, I just look her dead in the eye and say, ‘no’.

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Louis Wise on how to get out of commitments easily

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