The break apps... why it's never been easier to end a relationship

It’s not just delivering the verdict. It’s coming to it in the first place. Is it just a rough patch or the protracted cold war that signifies that this is over? And what about afterwards? The narrative of your relationship can be followed in gruesome, toe-curling detail online. There’s a valid argument not to bother with the nonsense in the first place. Alternatively, you could use a new generation of relationship apps.

Last week, Breakup Text launched on the Apple Store. The concept is simple: hit the “begin the end” button and after a series of prompts — including asking whether the object of your absence of affection is a “serious” partner or “casual” fling and whether you lost interest, found someone else or were “eaten by a bear” — the app will send a text delivering the death knell. It’s a useful if heartless way to get the message out, although you certainly risk becoming the villain of a viral and very angry meme.

In reality, it’s a little silly; I tested the app on my boyfriend, resulting in a “break-up text” detailing a crush on someone else and details of a clandestine affair, but which ended with a “heartfelt” apology that I hadn’t waited until after the difficult “fifth anniversary of your hamster’s passing”. But there’s certainly something slightly sinister about the first part of the message; and in certain relationships (namely if your partner is insecure or slightly humourless) it could hit home too hard.

If Breakup Text is pitched at the incredibly lazy, Should I Break Up With My Boyfriend? is an evolution of the pros and cons list. For two weeks, the app asks you to rate how you feel about your other half, with an option to add detailed notes on good or bad behaviour. Two weeks later it will deliver a (semi-) educated verdict on your relationship and whether or not you should break up. The app also generates a graph from your moods, so you have a visual aid charting the highs and lows of your relationship.

If the verdict is “dump ’em”, you’re going to need KillSwitch. Launched, darkly enough, on Valentine’s Day this year, KillSwitch answers the growing need to eliminate your relationship’s online footprint. You have to be Facebook friends with your ex to use the app; you can then select them from a list and the app will trawl your profile for content — from photos and wall posts to tagged posts and statuses — that is linked to their Facebook account. You can either indiscriminately delete the content or manually destroy the proof of certain interactions. If you’re one of those couples who will always be a couple, the app stores all of the deleted content in a folder so that you can restore it in the event of happy reconciliation. It’s currently only available on Android but an IoS version is promised soon.

They’re not the stuff great rom-coms are predicated on. But each app speaks to a specific dark need that emerges during a break-up, whether that’s the temptation to wimp out and avoid them or to drive them out of our lives altogether. There are pros and cons: but you certainly don’t need to write lists any more.