Laura Craik on Rihanna's 'weight gain'

Some male sports writer recently called Rihanna fat, which was charming of him — and also blind of him, for a finer figure never lived. Obviously, Ri responded with the sass we’ve come to expect from a woman who once rolled a joint on a man’s head and posted the pic on Instagram, via a meme whose message basically translates as: ‘If you can’t handle me at any weight, you don’t deserve me.’ Word.

The fashion industry is making strides towards diversity, albeit slow ones. Yet the overwhelming message is still that the ideal body shape is a fork prong: clothes hang better on it, according to designers. What they really mean is ‘clothes are easier and more cost-effective to design for skinny people’.

Yet past puberty, this straight up-and-down body shape is unachievable for most women, regardless of race. Nor do all women even aspire to look like this. ‘It’s actually pretty annoying, because now I don’t have a butt,’ Rihanna said in 2012 after her weight dropped naturally while touring. She is a joyful reminder that the female body comes in myriad glorious forms, and that beauty ideals aren’t simply dictated by the catwalk. Rihanna has never been a size zero, and wouldn’t want to be. Life is pretty great already, thanks.

Inevitably, as the weather heats up, so too will the body-shaming, as seasonal as sunshine, casting a pall that the sun cannot shift. Alas, not everyone is endowed with the same body confidence as Rihanna. If only. Robbie Williams recently revealed that his greatest fear was ‘obesity, and the shame that comes with it’ — a shocking and sad admission. Regardless of gender, it can feel as though we’re all under scrutiny. Life’s too short to body-shame, and too precious to waste obsessing over the shape God gave us, whichever our god may be.

Child Labour

The house of Givenchy has faced many daunting challenges throughout its noble history of dressing celebrities for big occasions, though perhaps none as great as designing a miniature nurse’s uniform, a task that puts dressing a heavily pregnant Kim Kardashian for the 2013 Met Ball to shame. Who, you might ask, needs a $1,015 miniature nurse’s uniform? Why, that would be Blue Ivy. Apparently, the five-year-old is to be present at The Royal Birth, because Beyoncé and Jay Z are ‘worried that their daughter might feel left out when the twins arrive, so they’re trying to make sure she feels involved every step of the way’. Uh-huh. Grown men remain traumatised by watching a birth, some decades later. Here’s a little tip: just skip to the bit where they’re all cleaned up and dressed in matching Gucci Babygros. You’ll save a ton on therapy bills.

Rubber Stomp

Life: you start off at a fetish party in a rubber dress, and end up at Sainsbury’s in rubber sandals looking for the frozen sweetcorn. I didn’t mean to acquire a pair of Crocs, but they were so comfy; the logo barely perceptible, so that from a distance, they look like any other strappy sandal. I blame Christopher Kane. Everyone’s wearing rubber footwear this summer: witness Miu Miu’s pool slides, Kane’s crystal-embellished crocs and Birkenstock’s more affordable neon pink sandals (£25). Here in rain-battered June, rubber footwear is not only looking like a chic option, but a canny one.