Laura Craik on London's crisis lovers

And then there are the crisis-lovers. We all know one. Like Pam in Gavin & Stacey (‘It’s all the drama, Mick. I just love it!’) they’re excited by the challenge of catering for their families for two weeks using the cupboard essentials they’ve been judiciously hoarding since Feb. Granted, it’ll be a wrench that the cleaner and the nanny are self-isolating in their Colindale bedsits, but Crisis Lover didn’t get that Duke of Edinburgh award for nothing. If she has to manage without staff, she will. Besides, maybe two weeks of social distancing will end her husband’s affair with his PA. Every cloud. Already, Crisis Lover has done a full risk assessment on her freezer and is midway through a spreadsheet titled Basic But Nutritionally Dense Family Meals. Peanut butter, baked beans and frozen berries feature heavily.

I don’t love a crisis, and struggle to construct a family meal five minutes after the Ocado has been. The only thing I’ve stocked up on is crisps. Foil-sealed and hygienic, there are worse things to live off. Wotsits are the perfect breakfast crisp — light and fluffy like a croissant — while for lunch, it’ll be something piquant and crunchy like salt and vinegar Squares. For dinner, a 150g bag of Max Strong jalapeño and cheese, with Torres’ black truffle patatas fritas on weekends. Wish me luck. Send vitamins. But leave them by the door.

An antidote for dog days

Nobody is in much of a mood to watch Making Of A Murderous Psychopathic Whodunnit Bastard these days, however good-looking the protagonist. Desperate times call for desperate escapism. Which is why the UK launch of Pooch Perfect can’t come soon enough.

Currently airing in Australia (fronted by, who else, Rebel Wilson), the British version promises Sheridan Smith as host, as well as a phalanx of dogs competing to become the nation’s most well-groomed canine. And I, for one, cannot wait.

Vocal support

I recently risked life and lung to attend a large-scale public gathering at the Royal Albert Hall. But it was worth it to support the 2,000 Camden primary school children who sang their hearts out in the Camden Music Festival, a charity initiative that showcases the jaw-dropping talent of the borough’s children. Yes, it was moving when they all sang ‘It Must Be Love’ as a finale, but it was mic-drop brilliant to listen to young talent like Roman Records, a teen collective who wrote and rapped their own songs. Money raised goes towards funding every Camden child to learn an instrument for a year. At a time when so much divides us, it’s good to remember the power of music to unite.