Lady of the manners

Dear Hettie

First of all, well done you - that was a pretty impressive escapade you pulled off. But really (gather...), an action star? I know you like to play 'ballsy' gals but I'd say that's going to be a bit of a leap, and not just figuratively. First of all, if you want to be the new hard-hitting, butt kicking, gun-toting tough girl in Hollywood, you're going to have to wrestle Angelina for the top spot and, not to dishearten you, but I know who I'll be backing in that fight. And before you even get that far, consider: there's very little opportunity for getting naked in action films - there's simply not enough time between explosions - and you do like to flash the flesh (and the rest). Won't that be disappointing?

But then, on the other hand, Revolutionary Road would have benefited greatly from a few actual rampaging revolutionaries, and a pirate or ten would have spiced up Titanic no end... Perhaps you could do a sort of pop-go-the-classics series of films, reworking all your greatest hits. You can start with Sense and Senseless Violence.

*Kate Winslet's quandary as imagined by ES