Lady of the manners

Dear Hettie

Well, Bernie, you made your bed and now you're having to lie in it - Frette linen sheets, fur blankets and all. The real question is not how to stop them spending like Imelda Marcos, but why you put them in this position in the first place. They'll never change their ways now, not unless they have a Damascene moment on the road to Harrods, so the best you can hope for is to spark a little light of philanthropy. If nothing else it'll garner them a few positive headlines for a change, and might get Tamara promoted from a tacky show on Channel 5 to a Channel 4 documentary.

They're never going to listen to you - when you say, 'You really don't need a £1m Amazonian carved crystal bath', what they probably hear is: 'Manolo, Léger, Louboutin, Cavalli, Pucci: go! buy! now!' - but they might listen to people even richer than themselves. So call in Bill Gates and Warren Buffet, I say. They're busy making the world's wealthiest people hand half their wealth to good causes, so they might just get through to the girls. It is Christmas, after all.

*Bernie Ecclestone's quandary as imagined by ES