JLo, Affleck and the new PDA: Public Display of Aggression

Picture the scene: date night. You’re excited to spend some time with your love, really talk, you know, be irresistible to one another, when it occurs to you. Mid-way through a highly detailed story you’re animatedly telling, a vacant expression appears across their face. One that will irk even the most reasonable individual. Which screams…boredom. “Did you listen to what I just said?!”

Look — snapping occasionally at, disagreeing with, your significant other is pretty standard. Though often people try to curb this behaviour in public. Much more so than they would behind closed doors. Why? Likely fear of embarrassment. The same reason why some people may feel funny at making out furiously in a crowded place — for fear of making other people uncomfortable.

And yet, I couldn’t help but feel oddly comforted seeing Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez caught in a bickering act at the Grammy’s recently: the 30 second clip showing the singer looking furious, reportedly mouthing to her new husband: “Stop. Look more friendly. Look motivated.” He shrugs, appearing to respond sulkily: “I might.” Suddenly they realise the camera is capturing this private moment of not-so-passive aggression and forcefully try to regain a sense of composure.

But there we have it. Yep, even the ridiculously beautiful, seemingly superhuman couples, who share their unparalleled happiness on social media and fairy-tale wedding with words of affirmation — “Love is beautiful. Love is kind…” — will get cross with one another now and again.

In the age of social media these brief disagreements do not go unnoticed. Take Megan Fox snubbing Machine Gun Kelly’s kissing advances last year. Or unearthed video clips of Miley Cyrus pushing Liam Hemsworth away on the red-carpet after he asked her to “behave, for once?”, months before they officially split. Cue internet conspiracy theories from “she was too powerful for him” to “sorry but the way I see it she was wrong here. He was uncomfortable and she didn’t respect that…” Suddenly we all become relationship CSIs. An invested third party trying to dissect what’s really going on. Is this a one off? Who’s at fault? Who’s overreacting?

Our obsession with celebrity PDA (public displays of aggression) may seem new, certainly encouraged by TikTok sleuths, but is essentially an extension of an age-old guilty pleasure. Something we already engage in day-to-day. Like on a packed train that provided a backdrop to a real-life soap opera, trying to mind my own business, concentrate on Serious Internet Stuff, but entirely engrossed in a couple’s live therapy session. I found myself picking a side, good vs bad cop, in this case swaying to feeling somewhat sorry for the Ben Affleck in this scenario once I had arrived at Victoria station and gathered all 11 minutes of verbal evidence. Conclusion: She’s being difficult, give him a break. Then again, the tables always turn. Eventually. A terrible night’s sleep can turn even good people into brats with a thirst for irrational behaviour. Passengers, I’m sure, could have easily passed judgement recently witnessing a meltdown with my boyfriend on a flight having realised I left my face (foundation and concealer) at home. Labelled me high maintenance. Childish.

“I just want to feel pretty this weekend,” I said, almost close to tears, perspective yet to be injected into my veins.

“You are pretty,” he said.

“That’s because I’m wearing my f*cking makeup!”

Maybe you’ve had a version of this.

Maybe this is why we love seeing celebrity couple’s masks slip, however briefly. The banality, domesticity, of it all is what makes it so perversely consumable. Rather than looking through the glass mirror of their privileged lives as a mere distraction, we’re absorbed in something a little more hopeful. Something wholly within grasp: reality.