How to blag your way through an art party

First things first: don’t worry about what to wear to an art party.

‘There will never be a dress code,’ says a friend who works in the art world, and tells me a story about the opening of White Cube Bermondsey some years ago. There was apparently a scuffle at the door when a homeless man was stopped from entering by security, who worried he was after the free drinks. The PR quickly intervened, however, and a certain Turner Prize-winning artist was allowed in.

Make sure you google the name of the artist and gallerist beforehand (‘most people don’t bother and look incredibly silly,’ says Flora Ogilvy, the glamorous, lipsticked founder of the digital art platform Arteviste), but once there, don’t enthuse too much about anything. ‘Use words like “challenging” and “provocative”,’ she instructs.

Equally, if you find yourself standing in front of a painting that is blank apart from a load of small circles, and this painting is supposed to illustrate the migration crisis through the medium of polka dots, do not snigger. ‘You are allowed to say you don’t like something,’ says a gallerist, ‘except you have to call it “bland” or “inaccessible” or “derivative”.’

Take photos and Instagram Stories of the art and tag the gallery or gallerist, thus ingratiating yourself with them and other members of the art crowd whom you meet. And wear sensible shoes, especially if you’re going to Frieze, where you will walk past stand after stand of installations made of chicken wire and foam when all you’re trying to do is find the loo.

Finally, the gallerist says: ‘A hip flask is often a good idea because the wine is often filthy.’