Home truths: the spoof documentary about rude estate agents

"Sales people are competitive. You never jeopardise a sale or the company but there is an element of trying to beat the Chelsea office down the road because they're our neighbours.

"It has got more difficult because, particularly this year, there has been a lack of stock, so we're fighting for even fewer properties with more agents on board. It's a difficult job, people who underestimate it probably don't know what is involved. You have to know your market well. If you're not doing the deals then you won't earn as much money."

Simon Hardie, 41, has worked for Chesterton Humberts for six years

"Whenever people ask me what I do and I say, 'I'm an estate agent', I'm immediately prepared for a comment. I pre-empt it by saying, 'but I'm a nice one'. One of our main things is that we're just not like the agents people expect.

"You have lettings people and you have sales people. I've never wanted to go into lettings. Lettings is more female-dominated. I don't know why. Perhaps women are better at paperwork - there's always a lot of paperwork involved.

"There is rivalry between agencies. If one agency is holding the keys, the person you want is out on a viewing. The next time they can't find the keys. It depends what level of agency you're dealing with. You do get ones that are really bad news. When I first started, at one viewing I closed a door behind me that was on a time lock. I got stuck outside on the roof terrace in the rain in December, with the applicants. We ended up having to climb through the living room window of a completely random family. These are the kind of things you have to just be able to deal with and walk away with everybody happy.

"There's a joke in the video that an agent is also a psychologist, and it's true. You are the punchbag, you're the ear, you're the organiser, you're everything."

Henry Pryor, 46, property expert and home buying agent for 23 years.

"Like all good jokes, the film is funny because there's a lot of truth in it. In the league table of popularity, estate agents are still just above journalists and MPs. Partly it's because we only work for one party. So if you're a buyer and a nice young man puts you into his branded Mini and you tell him everything about your situation, he will use that information - Granny has promised you an extra £10k if your offer isn't accepted, you need to move to get little Jimmy into the right school - because he is working for the seller.

"I've walked in on people pleasuring themselves with fruit. I know a couple who found a stiff - I mean a body, not part of a body - at a viewing. There was a flat in Knightsbridge that was sold eight years ago and let to a tenant who didn't like using the plumbing - he defecated wherever he felt like. Showing people round that house was a challenge. I've put my foot through a ceiling in true Clouseau style and I've known an agent disappear with the keys, leaving an owner locked out for the whole weekend.

"Today, it's very tough. In March, eight per cent of all deals done in London were for over £1 million. In April, that had tumbled to three-and-a-half per cent. There are zombie agents doing no business at all, some working on 100 per cent commission, and interns doing work experience for free in order to be employable."

Luke Wooster, 47, has run Wooster & Stock in Camberwell for 11 years.

"In a sales office it can be competitive. We've had staff in the past who have had contempt for their colleagues and would steal deals. It's easy to do that in a busy environment but not so prevalent in the current climate. The volume [of business] is half what it was five years ago. But a lot of the big companies' branches are actually franchises that will do down other branches.
"Our sale boards are constantly under attack. If you get too much property in an area, rivals come in and cut them down. It's quite common for agents to put boards on properties they don't represent, or that aren't even for sale. It happens a lot on properties with three or four bells. One major firm has a long history of it, although it claims not to do it now.

"There are lots of Carry On moments. If a flat is let to four or five tenants, especially if they're shift workers or students, you'll often find one or two of them in bed when doing a viewing. A colleague snapped a key off in a lock once, and he and the viewer had to leave by ladder. One flat was full of chinchillas, which were pretty scary, and the owner's mother was sat in the corner in an oxygen mask, looking like she was dead. Another flat had been turned into a brothel. My colleague and the viewer made their excuses
and left."

Lindsay Cuthill, 50, head of south-west region for Savills, and an estate agent for 28 years.

"When I saw the film I thought they must be mad, but I also thought 'good on them'. It's saying that agents are perceived as rude, arrogant, misogynist - but that's not us.

"Have I come across the odd prat in the business? Yes I have, and I'm sure they are still out there. But graduates with good degrees want to come into our industry these days and they are incredibly hard-working. The gene pool of potential employees is incredibly high. We don't have anyone working for 100 per cent commission at Savills, but there are agents out there on a very low basic wage, as low as £12,000 a year. So if they have a lean month, they won't be able to pay the rent.

"The negative stereotype of estate agents persists partly because we invade your personal space. We come into your home, make all sorts of judgments, often very quickly, about the place you live in, and put a value on your pride and joy. Not many people are realistic or self-effacing enough to realise there might be something better down the street.

"There's friendly rivalry between our branches but not to the detriment of buyers. I've never kicked down another firm's sign myself, and I can't remember being a victim of it, but I'm sure it goes on in tertiary areas, where markets are less sophisticated.

"I have also never walked in on anything embarrassing. Those stories are largely wishful thinking, and it shouldn't happen if you arrange your appointments properly."