Feel good factor: Total zone-out massage

The process: When the appointment was made I was asked whether I had any history of epilepsy, bipolar disorder or schizophrenia and when I subsequently arrived at the pale wood and white decor beauty salon/spa I was given a medical questionnaire to fill out.

There were three of us in the massage room — Lowri, myself and masseuse Neave. Lowri told me I wouldn't be unconscious at any point, merely relaxed. She started the hypnotherapy ("Imagine yourself in a beautiful forest ) and talked for about 15 minutes. Then, as she continued to talk, Neave began the massage.

Any surprises? I hadn't imagined there would be three of us in the room throughout. I certainly relaxed initially — I started off on my back and felt my jaw go elegantly slack during the initial 15 minutes of hypnotherapy but I didn't feel any more relaxed by having Lowri continue to talk; in fact I was pondering the strain she was putting on her voice.

There was music in the background, too, which I found distracting. When I turned on to my front I was actually uncomfortable — there was no face hole in the massage table and my neck protests when it's twisted to one side, so that interfered with the soothing effects of the hypnotherapy, too.

Transformed? My (invariably) achey body appreciated the good professional massage but I can't claim that the feeling of wellbeing lasted any longer than for a conventional massage. I still had my usual "I wish I had a machinegun" feeling commuting home from work.

Try it out: Va Voom Health, SCIN, 222 Great Portland Street, W1 (020 7387 4762, www.scin.uk.com). 90-Minute Total Zone Out: £140; 60-minute Body Bliss Out £95; 30-Minute Fast Float Away £50.