Food Miles

I went to the plush and swanky Massimo to have lunch with someone who, despite being a friend, I had not seen for over a decade. It's always a little nerve-wracking seeing people again after a long period of time, but as luck would have it things immediately clicked again and off Dan and I went at a conversational canter, talking of this and that and gleefully remembering terrible things that had been said and done in the past and - usually - laughing about them.

It was not busy the day we visited; there were just a few tables of sharp-suited men with glamorous lady friends discussing what sounded like megabucks oil deals. But rather like a theatre that is still playable with only a handful of people in the audience, Massimo remains atmospheric. The place is so huge and with so much glass, tiling and wood panelling, it's not impossible that it's deafening when full. As it was, what Dan called the 'doof doof' background music jarred a little with surroundings.

We started, probably out of bravado, with oysters which slipped down easily and then I had scallops which were delicately cooked and daintily served with a broccoli purée. Dan's calamari was excellent. I moved on to a small but splendid rack of lamb and Dan had oxtail meatballs which were accompanied by happy noises of his own making. With the help of the sommelier, Dan made some terrific wine selections. We had Muscadet to start, a Cuvée Octobre and then some wonderfully sweet La Stoppa to go with my cheese and his sorbet.

Before we had the last of these though we learned that the distance to the lavatory was considerable. I asked where it was and a waitress led me to the other end of the dining hall, out past the tea room, across the lobby before depositing me outside the Gents. Dan tried to find his own way and returned after some time complaining about the number of stairs he had to climb.

Some time after four when it all came to an end we agreed that we had eaten and drunk extremely well. But my goodness: the bill. Dan and I will talk about it for years to come. My wife and I, however, will not. When I told her what had been spent she simply said, 'we will never speak of this again'.

Massimo Restaurant & Oyster Bar, Corinthia Hotel, Northumberland Avenue, SW1 (020 7998 0555)