Grace Dent reviews Bonnie Gull

I was dispatched to Fitzrovia this week to the Bonnie Gull seafood shack. Eagle-eyed ‘Grace and Flavour’ readers — and vexed chefs who tune in each week hoping I’ve been killed off by E. coli — may have spotted my recent absence due to malady, some of which was spent convalescing in the coastal prettiness of Aldeburgh on the Suffolk coast. Aldeburgh, I can clarify, is where London people go to eat cod and chips, stare agog at rockpools and quickly understand the error of their ways in hiring a big cottage for their extended family.

I enjoyed many pleasant afternoons observing lambswool-clad families from Hampstead bickering wildly about their ‘chilling-out’ itinerary, while confused spaniels dropped tennis balls repeatedly at their feet. Because, let’s be honest, the problem with the seaside is that one goes there to escape, eat some lobster and drink some wine, but then takes all the bastard family members one hoped to escape from with you.

So thank heavens for Bonnie Gull, which really does bring a lot of the seaside fantasy inland. It’s a small, cosy, clean seaside shack, all rustic whitewashing, elegantly draped ropes, reclaimed packing crates and British beach tat. There’s an ambitious raw bar filled with Wild Loch Ryan Natives, Portland Pearls, Mersea Rocks, Venus and razor clams, winkles, whelks, cockles and langoustines, and mains include whole Devon cock crab, West Coast Scottish lobster, lemon sole with white grapes and crispy shallots, and an exemplary beer-battered North Sea haddock with mushy peas and shack ketchup.

Gosh, I loved this place. They’d even put the heating on. Seriously, that’s not such a given these days — I visited somewhere in Hackney this week where I was tempted to make a small fire of hipster installation flyers just to keep my blood moving — plus Bonnie Gull does this brilliant new thing where one can call beforehand and reserve a table. This ‘reservation’ thing really revolutionises dinner as one can book for a group of people and feel confident that dinner (and a table) will actually be available, and also enjoy a warm inner glow at the idea that the owner’s priority is whether you had a pleasant evening, not how many 25-year-old gastronauts they can shift through the place.

One glass of prosecco and two mouthfuls of heavenly smoked rainbow trout with beetroot, potato pancakes and horseradish and I’d already let out a small sigh to my dining companion and muttered, ‘Oh God, this place is perfect, and now I’m going to have to tell everyone about it in ES and then they’ll all want to come here and I’ll never get in again until March.’ Such are the worries of the spoilt, well-upholstered food critic — this knocks last week’s ‘They made me go to Peckham’ and ‘They made me eat truffle macaroni cheese in a casino’ dismay into a cocked hat.

My guest declared the beer-battered haddock the finest she’s ever eaten in London. ‘Excellent batter, not the tiniest bit greasy, not a single bone, amazing fish.’ My main course was thick, seared pieces of tantalisingly fresh mackerel with a side of chunky chips. A waiter brought bottles of vinegar, ketchup, mayo and an extra pink, unctuous tang-tastic ‘shack’ cocktail sauce.

By this point, around 9pm, the shack’s 50 or so covers were all taken, the mood was jolly, the lights dim, the wine flowing and we really could have been on holiday at the coast. Not the real coast, but some imaginary paradise British seaside; not, for example, Blackpool, of which the Dent family’s seaside getaway last year — six days living on trans fats in sideways drizzle — still leads me to scream, ‘Nooo, make the smell of doughnut fat stop! Nooo, I don’t want to see a bad Lady Gaga waxwork!’

Bonnie Gull also does cracking puddings, the likes of English apple tarte Tatin, a zingy lemon meringue pie with crème fraîche, and the winner: a heartbreakingly lovely homemade chocolate brownie with vanilla ice cream festooned with caramelised banana. The coastline in Fitzrovia is lovely, but, as Sartre said, ‘Hell is other people,’ so give yourself a treat and leave most of them at home.

Bonnie Gull, 21a Foley Street, W1; 020 7436 0921, Bonniegull.com