A-list booze crews: A critic puts celebrity alcohol brands to the test

"Come quickly, I am tasting stars!” exclaimed Dom Pierre Pérignon in 1693, upon discovering how delightful still champagne tasted when imbued with a straight-to-the-bloodstream bubble.

But would the Benedictine monk feel glee were he to taste the drinks endorsed by today’s sparkly cele­brities? In the name of research, I wet my whistle …

Jay-Z’s Armand de Brignac Blanc de Noirs Assemblage A3

(£1,095, harrods.com)

★★★★★

Armand de Brignac debuted in Jay-Z’s 2006 Show Me What You Got music promo, its arrival hastened in retaliation to the remark by Cristal Champagne’s MD, Frederic Rouzaud, who, when asked if he thought an association with rappers would harm his brand, retorted: “A good question, but what can we do?” Moet Hennessy has bought a 50% stake in Jay-Z’s Ace of Spades (known as such because of the label), so I’d say the rapper has had the last laugh.

Although thriving as a super-­premium party fizz, with the core Gold version coming in a whopping “Melchizedek” equivalent to 40 bottles, they also make a more muted secret weapon for wine collectors. Limited to 3,535 bottles, Blanc de Noirs Assemblage A3 celebrates pinot noir from top vineyards such as the wonderfully named village Bouzy.

Jean-Jacques Cattier is the chef de cave of the eponymous champagne house behind Armand de Brignac, which predates the French Revolution. I’m inclined to agree with his description of the “richness, intensity and length” of this “gourmet wine”. And aside from an alarming RRP equivalent to £1.46 per millilitre (Harrods), my only irk is with the cuvée’s name, which suggests a scale of paper. Call me cheapskate, but my favourite cuvée from Jay-Z remains the purple bottle of honeyed demi-sec which you can get three of for the price of one A3.

Kylie Minogue’s Rosé 2019, Côtes de Provence

(£18, winedelivered.co.uk)

★★★

Encapsulated in a bell-shaped bottle with a clear resemblance to Miraval, Kylie Minogue launched Côtes de Provence, her second, more premium pink, this year. Produced at Château des Anglades west of St Tropez, I wish I could say that like her popular persona it’s a juicy, happy thing. However, the truth is, beyond the pretty pink hue, the liquid is utterly unremarkable. With 34 top tens and seven number ones to her name, as well as the French government bestowed L’Ordre des Arts et des Lettres, Kylie Minogue OBE took a foray into wine after being inspired by Whispering Angel.

It is produced with the same firm that looks after the vinous releases of Sir Ian Botham. While wine buff Botham is involved in the blending of his wines, it’s unclear how much Minogue got involved in hers beyond the packaging.

Trump Cru Chardonnay

(£26, trumpwinery.com)

0 stars

Trump Winery is the largest estate in Virginia and is presided over by Eric Trump — son of you-know-who — who, according to the website, “oversees everything from winemaking and marketing to global distribution and sales”. An “aperitif” wine described by the maker as brimming with “deep fresh aromas, with flavors of pear, citrus, bourbon, and toasted almonds”, CRU is a gateway for whiskey drinkers toning down to wine. Chardonnay juice is bolstered with chardonnay brandy before the mixture gathers more alcoholic prowess in bourbon barrels. At 18 per cent, the result can work “equally well neat”, we’re told, or you can try it as a “CRUllini” with a dose of peach schnapps. Although Trump might describe the results as “fake news”, the $34 CRU was, for me, an obnoxious sip, reeking of old gloss paint, while Trump’s red wines evoked fields during stubble burning. However, the Blanc de Blancs fizz was agreeable.

HRH Queen Elizabeth II’s Buckingham Palace Gin

(£40, royalcollectionshop.co.uk)

★★★★★

Buckingham Palace Gin delighted the subjects — the bottles sold out online within eight hours. I secured a teeny sample with big contents, best enjoyed as a traditional, albeit lockdown-strength G&T with a little foamy Schweppes and ripe lemon slice. Florally packaged, at 42 per cent, the gin was sufficiently confident to be buoyant beyond the bubbles, its touches of lemon verbena, hawthorn, bay and mulberry from the palace’s 40 species of mulberry tree being mesmerising, heightened by thoughts of the timeless haven of a royal garden. Priced at £40, with profits to conserve The Royal Collection of Art, this gin was no vanity production but a sip fit for a Queen. We sincerely hope the Queen’s gin and I will meet again soon.

Justin Timberlake’s 901 Silver Tequila

(£24.95, thewhiskyexchange.com)

★★★★

Timberlake was eyeing up agave plants as far back as 2009. His incarnation is Sauza 901, named after both his hometown area code (Memphis, Tennessee) and the point in the evening when he says things get interesting: 9.01pm. 901 was made at the Destilleria Santa Lucia until 2014 when spirits giant Beam Suntory made Timberlake an offer to allow him to bring the tequila to even more fans. Trippy advertising campaigns ensued, including a requiem for limes, given the clear tequila is apparently so smooth it needs nothing more than ice and a glass. While the Sauza version is indeed spotlessly smooth, I like the relative heritage of the old version from Santa Lucia (and you can still find a few bottles at The Whisky Exchange).

George Clooney’s Casamigos Añejo Tequila

(£64.95, thewhiskyexchange.com)

★★★★

George Clooney and friend Rande Gerber, husband of Cindy Crawford, launched Casamigos in 2013, initially for their personal pleasure. Despite the suave celebrity pedigree, the humbleness of the Casamigos bottle feels charming. Fast forward four years, and Clooney sold it for a reported $1 billion, a fact Ryan Reynolds referenced when apologising to wife Blake Lively for only flogging his Aviation Gin for $610m. Of the range, comprising Reposado, Añejo and Blanco tequilas as well as a Mezcal which is rare on these shores, I favour Añejo, aromatic and textured, which spends 14 months in softening oak. Clooney served it over vanilla ice-cream at his wedding.