It's a cracker!

Q: What do you call a bee with a quiet hum? A: A mumble bee!

That's just one of the dozens of terrible jokes we suffer every year thanks to that festive favourite - the Christmas cracker.

But are crackers really just containers of bad gags and tacky trinkets? In an effort to find out their true amusement value, the Evening Standard recruited the help of psychologist Dr Richard Wiseman, who famously spent a whole year hunting for the world's funniest joke.

He tested six top varieties of cracker to see if they could raise a smile instead of a groan.

From high-end concoctions, such as Harrods' pack of 12, to cheaper varieties from chain stores, we subjected the professor to more than 60 jokes.

He managed a genuine chuckle at little more than four.

Topping Dr Wiseman's poll was WH Smith's £14.99 pack, featuring a smattering of puns ('What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? An egg').

Dr Wiseman commented: 'That would appeal to kids as much as grown-ups, because it's visual as well as being clever word play.'

Close behind, scooping seven out of 10, was Sainsbury's pack of 12, featuring the quirky gem: 'What do you call a parrot in the rain with an umbrella? Polly Unsaturated'.

Woolworths scored six for its pack, with jokes such as 'What do you call a man who comes through the letterbox? Bill'.

And Asda won an honourable mention for bravely slipping in a little surreality ('What is yellow and writes poetry? A ballpoint banana').

Bottom of the pile were some of the pricier varieties - including Marks & Spencer, scoring three out of 10 for gags like 'Where do you take a sick horse? To horsepital'.

'They are all fairly dreadful but I suppose that's part of the fun,' said Dr Wiseman.

'In a sense it would be disappointing to open a cracker and actually get a funny joke. But I applaud those that use clever little puns or try something more surreal.'

Expert's guide

WH Smith
12 crackers, £14.99
Dr Wiseman says: 'These were the hardest crackers to break into, made of almost impregnable cardboard. Gifts inside included marbles, yo-yos and nail clippers.'
Verdict:"Some impressive word puns in this lot - the egg gag is an especially great yolk (Q: What do you call a chicken in a shell suit? A: An egg).'
Score:8/10

Sainsbury
12 large crackers, £6
Dr Wiseman: 'Someone is supplying the cracker industry with miniature playing cards and spinning tops that don't spin.'
Verdict:'This is more like it. The parrot gag is new (Q: What do you call a parrot in the rain with an umbrella? A: Polly Unsaturated). What more can you ask for £6?'
Score:7/10

Woolworths
6 family crackers, £9.99
Dr Wiseman: 'Someone at Woolworths has it in for parents of young children - one cracker featured an ear-shattering plastic hand-clap.'
Verdict:'Not bad. I haven't heard the Wrigley's line before (Q: What chewing gum do snakes like? A: Wrigley's).'
Score:6/10

Asda
12 Christmas crackers, £8.41
Dr Wiseman: 'Each packet has a picture of the contents, which could lead to domestic rows as children fight it out for the yo-yo.'
Verdict:'Including the surreal banana joke is a bold move (Q: What is yellow and writes poetry? A: A ballpoint banana).'
Score:5/10

Harrods
12 Christmas crackers, £19.95
Dr Wiseman: 'By far the most expensive crackers in our survey but the presents inside are no better than those in the cheapest crackers.'
Verdict:'The 'too far to walk' joke (Q: Why do birds fly south for the winter? A: It's too far to walk) dates back hundreds of years and has never got more than a polite smile.'
Score:4/10

Marks & Spencer
Dr Wiseman: 'The presents were hit-and-miss.'
Verdict:'The first Christmas crackers were made in the late 19th century and M&S is keeping the tradition alive by including jokes from this period. Terrible.'
Score:3/10