Everything you buy is trimmed with fake fur
You spent that £1,500 windfall on Cath Kidson curtains instead of a cocaine-fuelled night at a top London hotel.
Over 50 per cent of your trousers feature a drawstring waist
You cancel your subscription to Xtreme Sports and take one out for Country Life
You tape Ballykissangel over GoodFellas
You think that Martha Stewart is a terribly disorganised, absentee mother
Most of your tops have hoods
Your house used to smell of eau de Silk Cut and takeout pizza - now it smells of cake mixes
You go off the Prodigy's Keith Flint and develop a crush on Nick Berry
You're on first-name terms with the sales team at Past Times.