Would you pass a MOT?

Why would you pay an enormous sum of cash to establish how well you are? Simple: to know in advance if something is likely to go wrong - an early-warning system or an MOT for your body. Of course, some "health" tests are purely to try to improve your fitness and lifestyle, while others are more crucial.

Which is why it was worrying that, only last week, the most pioneering (and vital) of tests - breast scans - were controversially rubbished in a new study that said their inaccuracy can cause more problems than they solve.

On a less serious level, I decided to embark on a week of diagnostic health testing - some mainstream, others decidedly alternative - to see what was available on the market.

I am a reasonably healthy working mother in my late thirties; I'm self-employed, and work flat-out, full-time. I exercise sporadically, eat plenty of vegetables and drink moderately.

But I fret about not spending more time with my children, suffer persistent back, shoulder and neck problems, grind my teeth at night, and am prone to bouts of exhaustion and mild depression. Nothing exceptional, but what did the professionals think?

Bupa Wellness

This is the gold standard of health checks. First come blood tests, sight and hearing tests, height, weight and bodyfat measurements. Then I'm put on an exercise bike and hooked up to a bank of computers, for an in-depth assessment of my metabolism and fitness levels.

Next is a conventional doctor's examination (including heart, lungs, abdomen, breasts, cervical smear), and a discussion of areas of concern from my 12-page questionnaire. He's not impressed with my low-carbohydrate diet, and suggests that high-carb, low-fat eating is the medically accepted preference. No lectures, though: the tests show me to be unusually fit, with a "minuscule" risk of heart disease in the next 10 years.

Before I leave, I get an impressive printed report with everything from blood-test results to dietary advice.

Time taken: three hours

Cost: £535

Worry factor: 0/10

Was it worth it? 7/10

Verdict: Obviously, I'm invincible. I'm amazed to be found to be so healthy For details, call 0845 601 4915; www.bupa.co.uk/wellness.

BEAM

The Bosiger Energy Alignment Method (Beam) is based on the holistic principle that imbalance in the body results from a reduction in the body's natural energy flow. A lifestyle consultation with practice cofounder Fiona Slatter was followed by the treatment - a form of reflexology, combined with acupuncture principles, is administered by a machine that stimulates "reflex points" on my feet. The ones relating to my kidney and the bladder are agony, and ugly purple blotches rise up on my feet - indicating severe blockages.

"People think that 'internal energies' are just some bizarre concept, but they're as real as the nose on your face," says Fiona. She gives me sensible lifestyle advice (take time to relax, eat breakfast before 9am), and advises me to drink buckets of diuretic fennel tea, to detox my congested insides.

Time taken: one hour

Cost: £50

Worry factor: 5/10

Worth it? 4/10

Verdict: I'm alarmed to think there's something wrong with my insides but, somehow, her machine has eased my perpetually stiff neck. www.beamschoolandclinic.com; 020 7935 6888

The Whole Clinic

This is a partnership involving a western doctor, a homeopath and a doctor of Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). Patients get an oldfashioned consultation - better than a questionnaire. I am questioned by Nigel Summerley, the clinic's homeopath, for an hour. Do I have cold hands and feet?

How soundly do I sleep? What's my emotional state? "We need to ask patients a many questions in order to build up a proper picture of the individual," he explains.

His colleague, TCM practitioner-Hong Yang, examines my tongue, and takes my pulses (a lengthier process than western pulse-taking) and pronounces "liver stagnation": the TCM liver system encompasses more than just the organ, and can control the energy flow in the body.

Stagnation could lead to energy blocks and psychological problems. She suggests acupuncture: first, to release the tension in my neck; then to sort out the liver. "We can't help you with the pressures you are under," says Summerley, "but we can make you stronger, to deal with them."

Time taken: one hour

Cost: £90

Worry factor: 7/10

Worth it? 6/10

Verdict: I'm concerned, since I take Miss Yang's advice more seriously than the Beam machine. Liver stagnation doesn't sound good. www.whole.org.uk; 07985 557 265

The Diagnostic Clinic

This stunningly designed new clinic aims to combine the best of orthodox and complementary medical treatments. Backed by the charismatic Hans Snook, formerly the driving force behind Orange mobile, it has an impressive line-up of doctors and practitioners, all of whom are intensely interested in how "traditional" and "alternative" treatments can work together.

For a whole afternoon, I'm put through tests, from the basic (blood, urine), via the unusual (hair mineral analysis), to the mind-boggling (a Bio-Resonance machine links me to a computer programme that assesses my nutritional profile and emotional state).

The results are assessed by a doctor, then presented in a follow-up letter. This is fascinating: I am generally fit and healthy, if slightly over-adrenalised and so am not digesting food properly. My back muscles are stressed (which is causing a swelling in my right knee) and my stomach muscles need strengthening.

Time taken: nearly four hours

Cost: Full integrated screening from £560; individual tests, from £50

Worry factor: 3/10

Worth it factor: 8/10

Verdict: Fine, but several things to work on. A more believable picture than a simple "all-clear". www.thediagnosticclinic.com 0870 789 7000