What to do if the earth starts to move in Japan

We haven't got David Beckham and we are in one of the toughest groups in the World Cup but England fans heading for Japan and Korea can console themselves with one thing: at least they now know what to do in an earthquake.

A pocket guide was launched by the Government today to help fans in a country where they don't speak a word of the language.

Up to now this is not something that has bothered too many England supporters, many of whom usually rely on the traditional approach of getting drunk, taking off their shirts and hitting the nearest foreigner.

According to the guide - unveiled by Foreign Office Minister Denis MacShane and former England international John Barnes - both host nations will take exception to "loud and boisterous behaviour in public".

It gets worse. The host nations are also likely to take offence at tattoos. Japan and South Korea also "take a very tough line on drugs", handing out stiff jail sentences for even small amounts.

On the alcohol front there is good news: you will be able to get a beer at the match. And bad news: only one at a time. As for earthquakes: "Stay calm! If indoors, get under a table; if outdoors, protect your head with your arms or bag."