Train for the World Cup

Prepare to wave goodbye to any good health you were enjoying, because the World Cup is upon us. Starting next weekend, for one month, the body and mind of any committed fan will come under unimaginable pressure. Footballers merely have to suffer the occasional broken toe or niggly groin, and they have an army of doctors, physios and New Age therapists to look after them. We have to do it all on our own.

Sleep deprivation will play a particularly savage part in the proceedings. It is true that England have only three matches to start with, the timings of which are almost benign, but the true fan will need to be following the fortunes of all the other contenders. This is a World Cup, not some parochial kickabout. In which case the possibility of zero sleep must be allowed for. It is not just the matches themselves, but the expert analysis and the constant replays that have to be taken into account.

Because the tournament will not proceed without great handfuls of controversy, blood-pressure levels will rise. Whether or not England is involved, there is always a goodie and a baddie in any match - and we know who they are, but the referee often does not. This inevitably leads to eyeball-to-eyeball confrontations with the television screen. The armchair fan, with access to all the tricks of modern technology, knows exactly what is going on. Meanwhile, his blood pressure rises like the mercury in a thermometer under attack from a blowtorch.

The period between moments of great excitement are vacuums which nature cannot abide and are therefore filled with tension. This relatively low-grade condition of uncomfortable overheating is the worst culprit of the lot, because it leads inevitably to an assortment of other dangerous ailments, such as drinking the wrong things and eating the wrong food. Tension, for example, leads directly to the consumption of beer and coffee. The armchair fan, weak from lack of sleep and exhausted by the latest ride on the emotional roller coaster, will naturally reach for a can of beer in the belief that it will bring a period of respite, Unfortunately, in situations such as these, beer slips down like water and is consumed as such. Instead of alleviating his condition, the armchair fan has exacerbated it, only this time with football rage thrown in as an added extra. Much the same goes for coffee.

Meanwhile, food has been forgotten entirely. There may be a slice of old pizza in the fridge, or there may not. It will, in any case, be too late for that. Blood-sugar levels will already have hit the floor. The only solution is to keep going. Lack of sleep, high blood pressure, tension, a continually topped-up drunkenness, and the bad coffee jitters: these are what it's all about. Just remember, to keep the curtains closed.

Having said that, it may not be the best option to watch TV in the dark because it sends the wrong messages to the brain, which believes its night time and produces the hormones that trigger sleepiness.

Professor Jim Horne of the Sleep Research Centre at Loughborough University, says that during the day, if you have gotten up early in the morning, most people will find they need a kip: "It is a good thing to have a short nap during the day. This should not be longer than 15 minutes. Anything more than that develops into full-blown sleep and you feel yucky when you wake up. Take 15 minutes at lunch and get someone to wake you up.''

He says that fans also need to be aware that they will be more tired than usual when they drive home from work: "Insufficient sleep will make you sleepy during the early afternoon and when you are driving home - especially if you have drunk alcohol early in the day.''

He points out that those who get up earlier must compensate by going to bed early that night: "It is easy to burn the candle at both ends, but the effects build up. By the third game, you will be zonked.''

And here are some more tips to make sure you don't suffer early-morning exhaustion ...

Lights: Create your own personal sunrise with a gradually increasing light alarm, which also produces soothing natural sounds like waves and rain and wind. The lamp simulates sunrise by gradually increasing brightness until it reaches full intensity at wake-up time.

Pillow thumping: One of the many folklore ways of setting a wake-up time is to bang your head on the pillow five times to get up at 5.00am or six to arise at six. Not reliable.

Discipline: It is possible to decide on the time you want to get up and stick to it. The problem is that people who do it also wake up many other times during the night and lose quality sleep time, making them more tired next day.

Exercises: After waking, do 10 minutes of exercising, even if it is just walking up and down the stairs. It helps to waken up the mind and body and makes muscles less stiff. A cooler than usual shower can also help.

Breakfast: New research at Cardiff University shows that cereals for breakfast reduce lethargy during the day. Avoid fatty food, especially if drinking alcohol, because they can slow down the digestion process.

Alcohol: Avoid drinking before and during the early-morning games because the body is highly sensitive to alcohol at that time of day. It could also increase the risk of infection because the immune system may not be fully active then either.

Sleep: For every hour you get up earlier than usual, make sure you go to bed that much sooner that night. Although the body can cope with a lack of sleep over two days, it begins to have an effect after that.

Lack of sleep: Lack of sufficient sleep can affect emotions and behaviour. Irritability, poor concentration, aggression, apathy, disorientation, loss of emotional control, and paranoia are the consequences.

Survival guide for armchair fans
WORLD CUP - news & analysis