The strengthening power of ONE

A few months ago, a married girlfriend came to stay with me. I'd just split up with my boyfriend and was seriously down in the dumps.

We went out for dinner, reminisced about past adventures, drank a bottle (or two) of wine and went back to the flat. At which point she burst into tears. I have to admit I was a bit miffed. I'd avoided the subject of my break-up all night but was looking forward to a long, self-indulgent monologue. Instead, here she was, married with three children and a lovely house, weeping on my living-room floor.

What did she have to be sad about? Forced to wait my turn, I listened (impatiently) to her. She moaned about lack of freedom, claustrophobia, shortage of money for herself, compromise, loss of identity, and extreme jealousy every time I called her to say I was off on my travels. I started to perk up.

By the time her tears had begun to dry, I was feeling better than I had in months. My recently departed lover was forgotten in a trice. Instead, I was luxuriating in the fabulousness of my own irresponsible existence.

My flat is an oasis of calm designed purely around my needs. I had no one whingeing about lack of attention when I was busy working, I was open to offers of travel, and guilt-free when I rampaged through Selfridges in the January sales. Most importantly, instead of waking up every morning with Mr Wrong, I woke up most days brimful of optimism about meeting Mr Perfect. In truth, the worst thing about being single is that it doesn't last. No sooner have you dusted yourself down and wiped away your tears than along comes some guy to mess it all up again. Before you know it, you're fighting for time with your pals and you haven't picked up a book in weeks; usually because the TV is on all hours of the day and night.

As my friend, GMTV presenter Penny Smith, says, 'Having a boyfriend is lovely, of course, but very time-consuming. You're constantly trying to co-ordinate timetables - suddenly you have all their friends to see as well as your own - and then there are all those trips to Oddbins to stock up on beer.'

Penny is one of a close network of girlfriends that I'm lucky to have. I've come to the conclusion that behind every good woman is a bunch of other good women. That's not to say men are awful - though I've met a few who are - but short of the perfect relationship, your friends are what counts. Marriages and relationships are increasingly temporary. Good friends are there for a lifetime.

It looks like I chose the right city to live in. Forty-one per cent of Londoners are choosing to live alone. Not only does this stop the singleton feeling like Yasser Arafat at a Jerusalem Bar Mitzvah, it provides a social safety net that can't be underestimated. As an extra bonus, the London ratio of single men to single women is roughly equal - unlike Manhattan, where, famously, single women suffer a massive three-to- one shortfall. As a result, single female Londoners in their thirties are discovering the wide and varied possibilities of promiscuity, in a post-Samantha-Jones-from-Sex-and-the-City climate which makes it far more acceptable to undertake a one-night stand (or series of them) than it was ten years ago, when they were in their twenties.

I've tried both marriage and co-habitation and, to date, singledom seems to suit me best. It's not that I don't want a boyfriend. I'm happy to date someone long term. But when it comes to marrying our finances and fighting over what kind of furniture to buy, I start to shudder. Just struggling through the day-to-day basics of living is a challenge. Working longer, tougher hours than ever before, with no job security and everything from public transport to getting the washing machine mended posing a problem, it's no wonder we've lost our zest for co-habitation.

Relationships involve time, effort and an ability to compromise and make do - all at a premium in these dog-eat-dog days. As chartered psychologist Dr Evelyn Millings says: 'Relationships are emotionally consuming as well as time-consuming. Working women nowadays just don't have the energy to go through with it.' It's lovely to cuddle up and have a chat at the end of the day, but sometimes you need the flat to yourself.

It's not just men's constant attention-seeking that poses problems. With property prices at a premium in the capital, plenty of us can't afford the space necessary to co-habit comfortably. In my experience, Noughties men bring too much baggage, and I don't mean the emotional kind. In the past, they'd arrive with an overnight bag and, six months later, we'd notice that they hadn't left. Nowadays, these coiffeured peacocks of the GQ generation are liable to need more cupboard space than we do.

According to Relate spokesperson Julia Cole, this physical and emotional claustrophobia can have serious consequences. 'I think it's often the case with big cities,' she explains, 'and possibly with London more than anywhere else, that you can feel like you're living on top of each other. You can't get away from each other like all couples need to from time to time. Plus there's the stress of London life, the Tube and getting constantly crushed by milling crowds. Solitude is good for people, and if you don't ever get it, it's going to put pressure on those who live together.' Maybe, in London at least, single is the natural way to be.

Sadly, women who extol the joys of living alone are still often treated to a sympathetic smile for being brave enough to pretend they're not suicidal. The apparently unpalatable fact is that liberation gave us something we never had before - choice. In five years' time, women will make up 45 per cent of the workforce, and a decade from now, more than 40 per cent of British women will be living alone. These percentages are not unconnected. Adoption agencies have actively begun targeting single professional women. They believe that we're particularly well suited to take on hard-to-place older children or sibling groups.

Clearly, contrary to the popular myth, single women are not all desperate man-hunters in their thirties. The very word 'spinster' is getting a new lease of life. It may still sound a barren term, loaded with loneliness and disappointment, but the reality is that the modern spinster is a bit of a minx. She's represented in every age group and is making the most of her hard-earned independence. Harnessing what cultural commentators recently labelled The Chardonnay Pound - the single woman's spending power - is currently the smartest move a business can make.

According to consumer-trend predictor The Intelligence Factory, single professional women rate very highly among the Western World's most powerful, fastest-growing consumer groups. 'Contrary to the stereotype of a spinster sitting at home with rollers in her hair, waiting for the phone to ring, single women enjoy participating in a wide range of social activities, including travelling, dining out, attending the theatre, and going to the movies,' claimed the report, which first identified the might of The Chardonnay Pound. Ignore them in your marketing strategies at your peril, it concluded.

Interestingly, the Intelligence Factory report also debunked the myth of the merry bachelor, pointing out that while 'single men prefer to stay at home with their televisions, VCRs and stereo equipment', single women 'are far more likely to go to the theatre, the movies and to dine out with friends' than single men and their co-habiting and married female friends. It seems that single women are genuinely having the best time. Prepare for the era of spinster supremacy.

We're single and loving it
It's chic to be a spinster
How single women are spending their money
Diary of a 'slapper'