The perfect sandwich

It should be the easiest thing in the world - grab a couple of slices of bread, spread them with the butter or margarine of your choice, and chuck in a handful of whatever is hanging around in the fridge and has not actually gone off. Eat. Enjoy.
Alternatively, pop down to your local sandwich bar, where they get paid to do this sort of thing.

Simple? Not a bit of it. Food researchers have come up with a recipe for the perfect sandwich - apparently, it's a cheese and pickle one. But not just any cheese and pickle sandwich - it requires...

For maximum eating enjoyment, cut diagonally in half, and enjoy at home for lunch in front of the TV (no doubt anyone who mistakenly splashes on 18g of pickle will have their enjoyment totally ruined).

The research - part of British Bread Month - was carried out by the Campden and Chorleywood Food Research Association Group, using the results of an internet survey.

They asked people what they liked in their sandwiches and how they liked them prepared - how thick the bread should be, for instance, what sort of spread they used, what cheese they liked and how the bread should be cut.

The research team did issue a warning: "The equation is based in part from qualitative observations, and as such should not be viewed as having been statistically derived."

There was no doubting that an old-fashioned cheese and pickle sandwich was the nation's favourite.

A spokesman for the Federation of Bakers said: "The sandwich triumphantly beat off upmarket combinations, including bacon and brie, prawn and mayonnaise and smoked salmon, as well as exotic combinations including banana with cinnamon and salt and vinegar crisps, to take the position as top sarnie."

Foodies may balk at the idea that the perfect sandwich uses pre-packed supermarket bread and contains margarine, not butter, but the spokesman said: "I think it's nice the humble cheese and pickle sandwich has overridden all the other exotic combinations that we have these days. It is traditional values coming through."