Each of these should be dealt with separately. If there is some notion of what is too big or too high, that should be established at the outset. It should be decided not in relation to a single site but an area as a whole: if the surroundings of Waterloo are to be a new Canary Wharf, what does this mean as a whole, not just in relation to the Three Sisters site? How architects then design their buildings within the agreed volume should be the subject of separate discussion. The extent of planning gain is something else again.
What actually happens is that these questions are mulched together. Planners refuse to give a definition of "too big" or "big enough", so developers push for as much as they can. Architects, sometimes good ones, are brought in to massage the proposals into acceptability. They are prized less for their ability to make a thing of pride and joy than as lubricants for the insertion of large objects into the skyline. At the same time planning gain is laboriously negotiated. The process takes years, and hundreds of thousands, if not millions, of pounds in fees.
Eventually planners and the public are presented with a choice. The towers have to be built, argues the developer, who has invested much in the project, or he'll shoot the swimming pool/new public space/new bus stops. In the case of the Three Sisters, planners must either accept the hefty wall of development they present to the river, or the improvement of Jubilee Gardens will be shelved. Two separate issues are conflated: the local one of planning gain, and the Londonwide question of the impact on important views.