The A-Z of Bush In London

George Bush arrives in London this week for three days of protests, chats with Tony and dinner with the Queen. But what else will he be up to?

A is for Acres. Tony Blair is desperate for Bush to visit his Sedgefield constituency in Co Durham, where the Prime Minister has a home. Some weeks ago, the telephone rang in Blair's constituency office. It was the Secret Service, wanting to know how many acres the Blair "ranch" consisted of so they could do a security sweep. The Americans, I'm told, were stunned to discover that there was only a front and back garden. "What? You mean the Prime Minister has only got a back yard?" an incredulous Secret Service agent asked.

B is for Bed & Breakfast. Bush is spending two nights at Buckingham Palace as guest of the Queen. For his trip north, Blair's constituency home, Myrobella, isn't big enough so, instead, it is expected that Bush will spend one night at Washington Old Hall, the medieval home to five generations of George Washington's direct ancestors in nearby Tyne and Wear. The 12th century manor was occupied by Washington's family until 1613 and is replete with mementos from the American War of Independence and a Jacobean-style garden.

C is for Cowboy Cookies, as the Bush family calls them. First Lady Laura Bush asks the White House kitchens to bake a whole tinload for the President before he travels overseas. The cookies are based on Mrs Bush's very own recipe. He eats them before he goes to bed, apparently.

D is for the Dun Cow, a pub in Sedgefield to which Tony Blair wants to take the President for a pub lunch. Bush won't be sampling its selection of local beers and malt whiskies (the President is tee-total, so no "photo-op" of him holding an English pint), but the lunchtime menu consists of loin of pork with Bramley apple sauce and roast sirloin of beef with fresh horseradish cream. Bush's preferred apéritif is sparkling mineral water.

E is for Essex Boy. George Bush has promised for a long time to visit the tiny Essex village of Messing where his ancestors are from. His distant relative, Reynold Bush, was an Essex farmer in the early 17th century, after which the President's ancestors landed in America on the Mayflower.

F is for Frumpy. Laura Bush might ask Carole Caplin and Cherie Blair for dress advice (and even discounts on designer outfits) because the First Lady is still the butt of poisonous remarks about her (lack of) fashion sense. New York and Washington hostesses have offered to advise her, but Mrs Bush remains loyal to her long-standing friend and fashion designer Lela Rose.

G is for Gripes. Some restaurants in Sedgefield are complaining that they will be left out in favour of Blair's local, the Dun Cow. But Secret Service agents have raised the hopes of one other eaterie in the town, the appropriately named Ministers restaurant, where it is thought Bush and Blair will have a quiet dinner with their wives on Friday.

H is for Homesick. Bush will not be bringing his beloved terrier Barney on the trip with him, nor his Springer spaniel Spot. Every morning, in the President's absence, White House ushers feed the dogs in the basement kitchen. When he's there, Bush likes to feed them himself in the Oval Office.

I is for Idiotic Remarks. Bush critics are waiting expectantly for a repeat of his infamous Bushisms. Here is one classic: "A surplus means there'll be money left over. Otherwise it wouldn't be called a surplus." The Queen has been warned.

J is for Jalapeno Chillies. The President adores them (his own recipe for guacamole is packed full of them) and he likes his food fiercely hot. At his "return" banquet for the Queen - at the US ambassador's home - Dubya is expected to put together a Tex-Mex feast. Only one problem: like most of the royal family, the Queen likes plain, unspiced food. The royal palate may not be amused.

K is for Knapsack. The colloquial name Bush staffers use to describe the nuclear briefcase a military aide carries wherever the President goes (Clinton used to refer to it as his Gameboy). The aide, an army colonel, has been given his own bedroom at the Palace, just a few doors down from the Bushes themselves. The rest of the White House staff will be put up at hotels and embassy houses.

L is for Leave Cancelled. Nearly 4,000 police are expected to be on duty. Virtually all of Whitehall, Parliament Square and surrounding streets will be cordoned off. We should count ourselves lucky: on the President's recent tour of the Pacific Rim, 11,044 policemen were deployed in Singapore to protect him and 7,500 in Indonesia.

M is for McDonald's. Andrew Card, the White House chief-of-staff who will accompany Bush to London, paid his way through college by working every night in a Massachusetts Big Mac outlet. If he's nostalgic, the nearest one is at the bottom of The Mall. Card is the man who whispered into Bush's ear on September 11: "America is under attack."

N is for numbers. Bush normally travels with an entourage of about 500, including 250 Secret Service members. His cavalcade comprises 30 to 40 cars, including half-a-dozen black, armour-plated Cadillac DeVille cars, each of which costs $3 million. Two are already here waiting for the President's arrival.

O is for Overhead. The London skies will be the most heavily protected and policed since September 11. Bush will travel by helicopter from Northolt RAF base in west London to the city centre. Two vast US Marines Sea King helicopters, plus a Black Hawk, will shadow Bush's presidential helicopter. RAF jets will be on topalert status during the entire visit.

P is for Private Party. On the first night of the President's stay at the Palace, Mr and Mrs Bush will join the Queen and members of her family for drinks in the North Drawing Room, one of the grandest of all the state rooms at the Palace. Drinks are normally scheduled for 7.30pm and last 45 minutes, after which the Queen will lead the President through to the 120ft mirrored and gilt-panelled ballroom for the banquet proper. Some 1,500 gold knives, 1,200 glasses and 1,400 plates will be set for the guests for the five-course dinner, along with three wines, champagne (to toast speeches) and Taylor's 1955 port.

Q is for Queue-jumping. Mrs Bush has expressed an interest in visiting Harrods - she wants to "do a bit of browsing". Not surprisingly, the store would close to allow for a visit.

R is for Regent's Park. Normally, a visiting president will stay the night at the American ambassador's residence in Regent's Park. But Bush will remain at the Palace during his stay, even though the current ambassador, William Farish, is an old friend of Bush senior and knew the President when he was a child.

S is for Supper. In this case a rather grand affair. The banquet menu is secret at the moment, but President Putin dined on poached salmon and pan-fried spring chicken; French President Chirac enjoyed beef with Provençal noodles; and China's Jiang Zemin had longe de venaison poêlee avec porto aux canneberges (venison in cranberry sauce, to you and me).

T is for Take Me Home, Please. When the state visit was first mooted - and imposed on the Palace by Number 10 - Blair and Bush had expected it to be a chummy get-together of war leaders. But, I have been told, there is very genuine concern among the US Secret Service that the trip will turn into a fiasco: "We want him in and out of there as quickly as possible," a security source says.

U is for Uncle George. Prince William, who is expected to attend at least one event at the Palace, engaged in a series of flirty emails with the President's stunning niece, Lauren. William is keen to visit the US, so Uncle George may be a match-maker yet.

V is for Vibes. Fascinated by spirits and ghosts, Bush will be intrigued to learn that Buckingham Palace stands on a crucial "ley line", which gives it good "vibes", apparently; such is his interest in all things supernatural that the White House website features an entire section on its ghosts. The President hasn't seen any but White House stewards have - including, in one instance, the ghostly figure of Andrew Jackson walking the corridors, and doors inexplicably slamming shut.

W is for Who's Not Invited. Apart from senior royals, Government ministers, opposition politicians and the general "great and the good", competition to be invited to the state banquet has been fierce among American expatriates in London. Said to be included are Lynn Forrester de Rothschild, wife of banking heir Sir Evelyn de Rothschild. Definitely not invited: comedian Michael Moore, currently performing in London, who railed against the Iraq war at the Oscars.

X is for X-rays. No one, apart from the royal family and a few senior politicians, will get near the President without undergoing a security check, including walking through an airport-style X-ray monitor. This will apply even to members of the Cabinet, Secret Service sources have said, such is their paranoia.

Y is for Yacht, or, in this instance, the Royal Yacht Britannia. Bush was keen to get to Edinburgh and have lunch on Britannia, which is permanently moored there. His father has fond memories of dining on the royal yacht and Bush junior wanted to "soak up that bit of history", I am told, but not this time.

Z is for Not a Lot of Zzzzs. The Bushes' bedroom at the Palace overlooks Green Park, where some anti-war websites are encouraging protesters to hold an all-night (and noisy) vigil to try to keep the President awake. Bush won't be happy - he is known to "absolutely need" a good nine hours' sleep a night.