The art of lingerie buying

I am standing in a changing cubicle at Agent Provocateur, wearing one of their prettiest concoctions, a baby blue plunge bra and a pair of ruffled knickers so narrow that a full wax is de rigeur. I think I look hot and turn expectantly to my partner. 'I think,' he says carefully, 'that that would look better on a longer woman.'

Welcome to the perils of buying lingerie with a loved one. Whatever you think he'll like, forget it; you've just fallen for the hard sell. Thus, I discover that classic boudoir (pink and black lace) and vamp (red and black) leave my boyfriend cold; that, for sheer tactile pleasure, satin and silk win out over nylon mesh; and that anything with 'Flirt', 'Pout', 'Vamp' or 'Kiss Me' on it is embarrassing.

Lingerie should be bought in couples. Not everyone will agree, arguing that both mystery and surprise will be lost. But tastes are so personal that it can be best to choose together. After all, you don't want to disrobe and then have him say: 'Your bum looks big in that.'

The important thing, as my boyfriend explained, is not to buy against your personality. If you're not a vamp (and I'm not a vamp), then vampish lingerie will lose its oomph the moment you say something (although Myla's bewitching marabou trimmed baby doll worked a treat for both of us). At the same time, don't pander solely to the more obvious parts of your personality; a pink and baby blue personality can be overamplified by lingerie in the same colour.

Fake bondage gear, of the Ann Summers ilk, cracked us up; Rigby & Peller's elegant offerings had him wandering dreamily out the door, despite my waving a delicately embellished balcony bra in pink mesh. And images of Kylie dangling provocatively from every item of her Love Kylie collection, cheered him up considerably. She is the perfect lingerie marketing tool.

Finally, go prepared for the flirtatiousness of trying things on. Although I was defoliated to within an inch of my life, I was wearing a three-year-old pair of off-white M&S minis - and as you are supposed to try new knickers over your own, they didn't help. I doubt even Kate Moss could have carried off the looks I recreated in changing room after changing room - but then, I'm not sure my partner would agree. She is, after all, quite a long woman.