Success and the single mother

"I was in a pretty steady relationship when I found out I was pregnant. We had been together two years and lived together for a year. I had always wanted children, but this wasn't planned. We weren't trying for a child and we were both in shock. It couldn't have come at a worse time as I had just started a new business. I figured that as we had a serious relationship he would come round. He didn't. We split up when I was three months' pregnant.

"I am a strong, resilient, capable woman - I have that 'bounce back' factor - but it was hard being left on your own at three months' pregnant. I went back to my family in Dublin to have the baby. I had unbelievable support from them but it is not quite the same as sharing the experience with the father of the child. My sister was with me when I was in labour but I ended up having an emergency Caesarean so no one was there when I gave birth to Hugo. I think it would have been more traumatic giving birth naturally under the circumstances.

"I feel sad for Liz Hurley. Her predicament is very similar to mine. No one knows the full extent of what she is going through. It is meant to be a woman's greatest joy and a time of great happiness, but being a single mother is not easy. I have had to adjust. I struggled to believe that we could be a family with just the two of us but Hugo and I have bonded on so many levels it now feels like a family.

"The hardest thing is having no one to share the milestones in Hugo's life with. His father has started to see Hugo, and his son adores him. He is supportive financially too. And, although it has taken a bit of time, we now are quite amicable with one another.

"There are plus points to being a single mother. For one, I make all the decisions. I found a fantastic full-time nanny and I went back to work two months after the birth. I'm always upbeat. I never regret anything and I like to take on new challenges. I have had a few dates. When I first had Hugo I was very upfront and would tell men immediately that I was a single mother. Now I don't think that is so relevant. I have had relationships since Hugo was born but it is complicated when there is a child involved. You are catapulted into a different stage of a relationship. I can't do the single life any more, and neither would I want to. Being in my situation has made me appraise men in a different way.

"My male friends have been extremely supportive - they adore Hugo, and I like the fact that he has positive male role models who go the extra distance because of my circumstances. I am planning to return to Dublin. It will be tough for Hugo's daddy, but I believe it will be easier if I have my family close by."

Lorraine Adams, 32, runs a lingerie business, undressmetili.com, and a dating agency, Gorgeous Get-Togethers. She lives in Chelsea with Joni, six

"I didn't become a single mum through choice. I'd been with Billy, Joni's father, for nine years, and we had planned to have her. Things went downhill badly when Joni was born. All the same, I was in bits when he left. If I hadn't had Joni, I would have been desperate to get into another relationship and, by now, I'd be wanting a child before my biological clock started ticking.

"I expected there to be a stigma attached to being a single mum. I didn't want to be known as a single mum at first because I had a vision of them wearing tracksuit bottoms and being on the dole. But that couldn't be further from the truth. The people who do have a problem are men. They rule you out as potential-partner material if you have a child. I've had boyfriends most of the time, but I haven't wanted a serious partner - and the more time goes on, the less I want one.

"Joni still sees a good deal of her father. He and his new partner have just had a baby. It's got me off the hook - - Joni has been going on at me for ages about having a brother or sister. For me, though, that's a personal taboo, in that I'd have a problem having two children by different fathers. I feel there's far more of a stigma about that than about being a single mother.

"I can't see a downside to being a single mum. I never sit indoors wishing I had someone to share things with. Holidays are the only time when I feel a bit wistful not to be part of a family unit. If you go with another couple, you feel a bit awkward, and it's difficult if you go with another single parent.

"Liz Hurley should enjoy being a single mother. Bringing up a child alone is a fantastically rewarding thing. Joni is the reason for everything I do. I wouldn't have my career if it wasn't for her. I only worked part-time when she was tiny. Financially, it was a bit of a struggle after Billy left. But my main objective has been to maintain my standard of living. When I began working full-time, I had a live-in nanny. Now Joni's at school, I have a live-in au pair, and I can still live well - and keep up my membership at the Harbour Club."

Fran Cutler, 29, runs the events company 2Active. She lives in Islington with her 10-month-old daughter, Mercy Magic

"I was in quite a serious relationship when I got pregnant, but the whole thing scared him and so I knew, right from the beginning, that I was going to be on my own. It was a very upsetting time. My pregnancy wasn't planned, but now I've got Mercy, I wouldn't like to call it an accident either - that sounds horrible. It just happened and when I thought about it my instincts told me it was probably the right time to have a baby.

"My parents were very supportive. They are both professional childminders and Mercy is their first grandchild, so they were delighted to have one of their own to look after again. It was later on in my pregnancy that I had bouts of quite severe depression and doubt, and there were moments when I felt fat and unwell and thought, 'What the hell have I done? Have I bitten off more than I can chew?' That was the period when it would have been nice to have a man around to say, 'Don't worry, you look lovely and we're having a baby.' But all my friends were there for me.

"I had Mercy at the Portland Hospital. My mum and dad were there, and my sister, and Meg [Mathews]. After I came out I went to stay with my parents for a couple of weeks, and then I started going back into the office, taking Mercy, whom I was breastfeeding, with me. In the evenings my parents would pick me up and take me back to Bedfordshire, so I got some help during the night. When Mercy was

a couple of months old I took her home on my own. I had some tough nights - but all parents do, whether there's a man about or not. At around three months, she went on to a bottle, and I was able to give her to mum to look after during the day occasionally. She'd known both my parents since she was born, so it wasn't like leaving her with a stranger.

"I have just got a full-time nanny. I get into the office at 11am and I'm home in time to put her to bed.

"I don't worry about Mercy not having her father on the scene because she's got a great father figure in my dad. He adores her and baths her every night when she goes to stay with them. I have talked to Mercy's father about having some contact with her but he's not interested and he provides no financial support. Besides, if he got involved with another woman, I'd have to let Mercy go to another family in order to see him - and I wouldn't want anyone else having my baby.

"Mercy lives in a world of love and affection, with no rows. I'd rather be without a boyfriend than have her see me crying because I've had an argument with a man. In fact, I'd be very careful about letting someone into my life now - Mercy is the love of my life."

Tilly Bagshaw, 28, is on career leave from her job as a City headhunter. She lives in Sussex with Persephone, 10

"I was17 and at Woldingham, a Catholic girls' boarding school in Surrey, when I got pregnant by my boyfriend of two years, who was 19. When the test came through positive, my feelings were, 'Oh good, I'm going to have a lovely baby, and I hope the school doesn't find out because my A-levels are coming up.

"The first person I felt I should tell was the father. He burst into tears. I think he felt absolute panic. He said, 'You realise you can't possibly keep it', and I said, "I'm Catholic, you're Catholic - there is no way on earth I'm going to have an abortion.

"I hadn't planned to be pregnant, but I already had strong feelings of affection towards the baby. I realised I was going to have to do it on my own. I had my A-levels to do, and my family to deal with, and I couldn't worry about him being upset. Even at the time, marriage didn't occur to me, and I've never asked for any financial support from him. I then had to tell my parents. They were amazing, they never said one negative thing. My school expelled me, but my parents persuaded them to let me back to do my A-levels, which I took when I was three months' pregnant. I had to come in wearing my school uniform, even though it didn't fit me any more, and when I had an afternoon exam and one first thing the next morning, they locked me in the infirmary overnight, as if I was contagious.

"I got three A grades at A-level and a place at St John's College, Cambridge. I took a year off and spent the first 10 months of Persephone's life at home with my mother. I was totally in love with my baby, but I knew I wasn't drifting because I had a place at university. Cambridge were great about it. It found us a house, and paid for half of my childcare. When I went up the following autumn and watched my parents drive away, I realised I was going to be spending the night on my own with her for the first time.

"The first year was very hard. Everyone else was at a different stage, and there were times when I felt incredibly lonely. She was a very happy baby, but she wasn't always easy. I was so exhausted that my doctor gave me some sleeping pills.

"The second year was much easier and I made lots of student friends - none of whom had babies. I used to save up to get the occasional babysitter at the weekend. In the meantime my ex-boyfriend had been out of contact. I had vaguely expected him to come and see Sefi when she was born, but he didn't.

"Then when she was about 18 months old, mutual friends told me that he really wanted to visit us. I didn't want him around, but I felt for Sefi's sake that it would be wrong to stop him seeing her. In fact, it was a massive mistake. He came to see her on about three occasions and then disappeared again. The next time he made contact, I told him I didn't think it was working and he pretty much agreed. We then went our separate ways for good.

"I graduated from Cambridge with a 2.1 and, although I would have liked to work in television, I knew I'd never make enough money to live in London and pay for childcare as a researcher. So I got a job at a City headhunters. It has been hard work, but fun. People are surprised to discover I've got a daughter, I've never had a negative reaction.

"At the beginning, dating was very difficult, but when I was 23 I met the man I have spent the past six years with. I would have liked to get married and have some more children, but it didn't work out and we recently split up. Last year I got a big bonus from work and I decided I was going to take a break from the City. I bought a house in Sussex and I'm taking a year out. It has been fantastic to have this time with Sefi. I missed her when I was working long hours, but I didn't feel guilty because I didn't have any choice.

"Over the years Sefi has asked about her father and I've told her the truth. Having a baby when I did changed my life in a positive way. When something happens - like my recent break-up - I can' t just lie on the bed and cry. When you love someone and they love you, it brings out the best in you."

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