Sex and the singles

Cindy Chupack must be one of the few single women on the planet who is praying for the end of Sex and the City. Especially odd, you might think, as she writes the scripts.

"I use my life as plot lines," she explains in between takes. "Bad dates make so much better material, there's no encouragement to have a good love life. I'm totally doomed."

At the age of 38, Chupack has found herself single, but once again she has capitalised on her misfortune with a book that is already a best seller in the US. "It is," she says, "a manual to help you celebrate being single, as Carrie & Co always did." A candid snapshot of her dating disasters, the book is as relevant in London as it is in her native New York.

Here is her step-by-step guide to life between boyfriends ...

Step one

Think of the first person you sleep with after a break-up as a sexual sorbet - a palate-cleanser who removes the taste of a failed relationship and prepares you for your next course.

But I'm not talking about a rebound relationship. You're not ready for any sort of commitment. This is strictly fun. My friend Kate sees the same man every time she breaks up and I can also recommend it.

It's a good use of those wildly inappropriate men who were great lovers and not much else.

Step two

Avoid the sobering stage, which usually occurs around the age of 30, when you start dating men who are exactly like previous boyfriends (or in some cases are literally your exes). I first noticed I was in the relationship rerun stage after I broke up with a guy who, at 32, lived with his parents and didn't have a bank account. He wasn't even looking for his own place. It was like some of the relationships I'd had in my twenties, when I always had to be the responsible one.

It's tempting to blame the men, but after a certain number of reruns you have to consider whether you might be the one stuck in a rut.

Step three

I was in awe of my friend Lyla. She had so many men in her life she had to keep notes to avoid getting confused. I wanted to be confused, rather than going on one date every six months. Every single girl should have a male harem. But how do you find multiple men to date when most single women I know are hard pressed to find one?

The trick is to remember that they don't have to be "The One". If you go to new places, talk to new people and tell your friends you'd like to meet all the single men they know - you'll be turning men away.

They might not all be suitable but go out with them anyway. Remember, you're not looking for Mr Right. You're looking for a few good Mr Maybes.

Step four

There is a faulty logic that leads people to believe that two random singles are perfect for each other - and the trick is to avoid these clueless cupids. My friend Mitch fixed me up with the man I married. Mitch loved to brag about how he brought us together. Now I am divorced, my ex is dating men, and I have the occasional urge to punch Mitch in the nose.

Blind dates are a necessary evil for most busy single woman, but I think we should adopt some safety guidelines.

For instance, I'd advise matchmakers to try to pair up people who have more in common than the fact that they're both single. Or vegetarian.

Many of us oversell the people involved. They are friends, so of course you think they're great, but it's safer to downplay their attributes - and to be completely honest about their appearance. Let them discover their shared interests on their own.

Step five

As a single woman, you need to decline new male friendships. I don't mean to imply that I don't enjoy and value my platonic friendships with men. I do. But I've reached capacity. How many male friends does one woman need?

Ultimately these friendships are unsatisfying because the more fun you have together, the more you wonder why your "friend" doesn't want to date you, and that can only lead to the kind of soul-searching best reserved for holidays at home with your parents.

From now on, the answer to the question "Can we just be friends?" is "No."

Step six

Don't date men you don't really need and can't emotionally afford. These are the men you are drawn to because they are attractively different, but being with them means changing your entire lifestyle.

While seeing a long-distance cyclist, my friend Janet found herself following his training regime: bowing out of parties and rising at an hour when she normally went to bed.

Date classic men rather than a trend: that good-looking, naughty surf dude is just the human equivalent of a fashion fad.

Don't feel pressurised by your desire to have children. When I was dating my last ex, I was acutely aware that my friends were gently telling me I needed to shut up and marry my boyfriend or find somebody else. Dating in your thirties means constantly debating whether you're being too picky.

In an effort to ease this pressure, I have tried to make peace with the concept of adopting, freezing my eggs, or having a baby with a gay friend.

On a good day they seem like empowering solutions, ways of controlling the things I can and ensuring I get everything I want - just not in the traditional order. On a bad day these seem like various forms of waving the white flag.

Adapted from The Between Boyfriends Book, published by Orion on 17 July, price £9.99.