Queen sees the Crown jewels

The Queen got a lot more than she bargained for at last night's West End performance of The Royal Variety Performance - full frontal nudity on stage, Vinnie Jones singing and most disturbing of all, Cilla Black and Barbara Windsor in raunchy basques and fairy light outfits.

Her Majesty was 30 yards away when she got a clear view of six totally naked male strippers from the Full Monty stage cast after a lighting rig designed to silhouette them spectacularly failed to work. The view was so clear that even guests 100 yards back in the Dominion Theatre circle gasped in astonishment.

The Queen and Prince Philip certainly appeared to enjoy the entire performance, with Her Majesty not flinching, but leaning forward for a better look during the Full Monty routine.

Other highlights were Miss Black, Miss Windsor and Lily Savage's Vaudeville-style number in which Cilla's basque lit up with four heart-shaped fairy light patterns covering her modesty as she bent over.

J-Lo met the Queen after her performance which was carried out without a microphone. Vinnie Jones's singing was so bad that the organisers took his microphone away the next time he came on so he was drowned out by the more tuneful Denise Van Outen, Donny Osmond and Russell Watson.

Comedy came from the usual suspects - Julian Clary brought gay jokes, Jimmy Tarbuck and Jethro brought wife jokes and Jackie Mason brought Jewish jokes.

Sir Elton John's rendition of his hits Your Song, I Want Love and This Train Don't Stop

There Any More brought the house down, as did Cher's latest chart-topper. Hear'Say sang Can You Feel The Love Tonight for the grand finale.

Security was extra-tight with an armed royal protection officer in the Royal Box to the left of the stage.

Barbara: Basque was producer's idea