Over 40 yet men still love us

In the movie Crush, Andie MacDowell stars as a fortysomething singleton who finally finds a boyfriend - in his twenties. But her friends, played by Anna Chancellor and Imelda Staunton, believe a younger man could never be truly interested in someone of her age.

Meanwhile, author Linda Grant, winner of last year's Orange Prize, has just published a novel called Still Here, in which she vents her anger that women over the age of 40 are invisible to men. But, it appears, there are a number of women in their forties who find the opposite: those featured here have plenty of suitors, some of them much younger than they are.

Cathy Johnson, 44, has her own graphic design company. She lives in Maida Vale with her nine-year-old daughter

I'm yoga-ed up, have a life coach and half a dozen guys on the go - the youngest of whom is 27. At 44, I am happier than I've ever been. As a friend remarked recently: "They're stacking up like planes over Heathrow!" There are about six very attractive men inviting me out at the moment, which is very flattering. I like to flex my flirt muscles every so often and it makes me laugh that I'm so much better at it now than I was 10 years ago, simply because I have so much more confidence these days and am not attached to the outcome.

It wasn't always this way. There was a five-year period after the split from my daughter's father - when she was four months old - when the idea of another man in my life was unimaginable. My self-esteem was on the floor and I was far too exhausted to contemplate any kind of relationship.

Now I actually feel that my biological age is an asset. Many women in their twenties and thirties are looking for relationships that will lead to marriage and children, which can represent a pretty scary commitment for men. Someone who isn't ready for that lifestyle, whatever his age, will feel comfortable with me because I'm not out to trap him, so the pressure is off.

Recently I have been seeing someone in his late twenties who's so drop-dead gorgeous he could have anyone he wants. We have a great time together and age simply isn't an issue. I value my freedom and independence and run a mile if people make assumptions about when they might see me. Maybe some day I'll meet someone I'd like to settle down with, but for the time being I can't think of anything worse. I value the unrestricted time I have available to devote to my daughter and my work, on which I thrive. I am also lucky to have such interesting and adorable men to spend time with in the gaps. Life is bliss.

Alessandra Sartore, 42, is writing a novel, while working at a media company. She is single and lives in London

I was 42 three days ago and I'm currently dating someone who's 38. I'm Italian but have lived in London since 1980 when I came here to be a punk/new romantic and got into writing for pop magazines based in Italy. Then I worked for various big-label record companies before taking time off to go travelling to South-East Asia for six months. While there, I ended up in a relationship with an American 30-year-old surfer I met on the beach in Thailand. It was lovely.

Now I've been back two years and am working at KirchSport media (the broadcast rights holders to the World Cup 2002 and 2006) because I want time to write my novel - a sort of updated The Beach, with more drugs.

I don't think your biological age has anything to do with dating. If I go to the trendy nightclub Fabric and stand next to some twentysomethings in the loos, then I'll probably feel invisible, but men will still notice me. Personally, I get a lot of attention - at bars and clubs such as Century, Soho House, the Groucho, Sanderson, the Atlantic, wherever I go. It's not like I'm fending them off, but I always get one or two offers to make me feel fine. I think people give off an aura, especially if they're happy in their life. If you're not perfectly happy, no one wants to know - and that can happen to a woman at any age.

The secret is that I don't feel 42, I feel 30. I'm hugely more confident now. I'll never wear Laura Ashley, or buy a floral print from anywhere other than Christian Lacroix. I keep up with culture and current events. I'm never going to identify with the social workertype fortysomethings. When I'm skiing, I naturally gravitate to the snowboarders, not because I want to be taken for a twentysomething, but because I listen to that music and talk about the things they talk about. When I'm on a beach in Thailand, I hang out with the surfers, or the thirtysomethings throwing frisbees.

The only thing that changes as you get older is the possibility for having children, and I'm easy either way. I don't think that issue occurs to men when they chat you up, because they live much more for the moment than women. The only thing that might put them off is that I'm a lot harder to impress. If you want to show off by taking me to a yacht at Cannes - darling, I've already been there. I've done it all.

Fay Lewis, 42, works as a legal secretary in the City. She has a 21-year-old son and an 11-month-old grandson. She lives in Luton

I got married when I was 21, and divorced five years ago. I didn't lose any confidence by being single again - I think you definitely gain a sense of self-assurance as you get older.

Having a grandchild brought on a bit of a crisis, though. I said to my son: "How could you do this to me?"

I've banned any mention of the "G" word - I'm determined that my grandson will never call me Grandma.

In no way do I think I've become invisible, as author Linda Grant claims. In fact what I think is strange is that the age of the men who chat me up has stayed exactly the same as I've got older. I'm still being stopped in the street by twentysomethings and young thirtysomethings. I'm holding out for someone my own age, but it's hard, I seem to attract younger men.

Older men don't approach me in the same way - maybe English men of my age don't have the same confidence.

Yesterday, a 25-year-old who was very nice looking, half-Italian and half-Russian, asked for my number. I said: "I'm sorry, I can't give it to you." I felt that he was definitely too young for me.

Younger foreign men are always chatting me up. I think it's because they think I'm younger than I am.

Even the fact that I'm a Christian - so I want everything that everyone else wants, but I want to find a Christian man too - hasn't proved a problem. Last week, I joined a dating site, www.christianconnection.co.uk, and I have already been contacted by two guys aged 26 and 32.

I think it's men of my generation who aren't interested in women of my age, they're all after younger models. This is why so many older women end up dating younger men - they are the ones who are chatting them up.

Linda Meredith, 51, owns a beauty salon. She was married in her thirties and has an 18-year-old son I was married in 1987 when I was 36. We'd been together for five years, by which time our son was three, when I discovered my husband was having an affair with someone in my salon. When he went I was left with nothing: he took everything, from my cosmetics business to my pupils - I used to teach make-up application, lecturing all over the world. I had to take him to court to get my name back, I had to apply to the Housing Association and take my son out of his private school.

You need determination to get over something like that and the experience stopped me rushing into relationships. I also didn't have much time: working long hours meant I didn't have the energy to meet men after talking to clients for 12 hours a day.

Now I'm 51, I have a lot more confidence than I had 15 or 20 years ago. And men realise that. I know the sort of man I want now too - and that's the sort I attract. I don't want a man who will be around all the time, I just need someone I can ring up at 8pm and say, "Sorry, my client is running late. Could you put on the dinner and I'll be there as soon as I can?" Just like a man will ring up when he's delayed at work.

I think people give off vibes. I'm not looking for someone I have to support. Nowadays it's often me opening the door for the men to walk through - but I'm afraid I still want to find a gentleman. I enjoy relationships at this age far more because I know what I want. I'm hugely more self-assured. I'm not prepared to put up with things that I would have when I was in my thirties. Now I think there will be somebody who accepts what I do, my career, my life - I'm far more confident that this time it will be a partnership.

Crush: film review