No shame in admitting your fear

He might be president of CNN's international operations, but Chris Cramer is reliving a trauma this week - the moment 22 years ago when he was taken hostage in the Iranian Embassy while queuing for a visa. Although Cramer, then a BBC journalist, talked his way out 24 hours later, his nightmare was only just beginning - the "years of hell" when he was too traumatised to travel in lifts or planes, all because the macho newsroom culture had made him hide his true feelings.

"I felt wretched and ashamed that I had left 20 or so hostages behind," says Cramer, whose anguish has been revived by a new BBC2 documentary about the siege. "I was certainly glad to be alive - but I was racked with guilt. My first and only instinct after the siege was broken was to get back to work.

"My sympathetic BBC boss got straight to the point: 'Do you want to see a shrink or do you want to get drunk and get laid?' he inquired. 'Either way you are back at work tomorrow morning.'"

Cramer rejected the idea of counselling - a decision, he admits, that caused him years of anxiety. "For me the fear of admitting that I might somehow be affected by any incident was of much more concern than any side effects I might feel," he says. As he moved into news management - a decision he attributes to his "loss of nerve" in the field - Cramer led the way in introducing counselling and "hostile-environment" training for journalists at the BBC and then CNN. But he believes that too many members of the media - and their bosses - still refuse to believe they might be affected by the stories they cover.

"Unfortunately it still takes a tragedy or a death to wake up news organisations to the dangers," according to Mark Brayne, who reported for the BBC from Tiananmen Square and Romania before rethinking his life. "These events had a profound effect on me, and made me ask what it was all about. Then my marriage fell apart, and I went through therapy." Brayne retrained as a psychotherapist, and became a World Service editor. He is currently setting up a London branch of the Dart Centre for Journalism and Trauma, to help journalists who cover violence.

"Today it would be different for Chris Cramer - he wouldn't be forced to go back to work, for a start," he says. "But much more needs to be done - we're all just soft-skinned human beings."

Martin Bell, who was shot in Bosnia, credits Cramer himself with the greatest change in attitudes. But he warns that not all journalists welcome counselling. "After I was shot, I just got over it and went back," he says. "I found the corporation was far too solicitous - I just wanted to get back to work, but I'd be summoned for meetings with the BBC doctor, as if it was time for the men in the white coats to take me away."

For Bell, no amount of training or counselling can compensate those who lack steadiness under pressure.

"What's also important is to be in those situations with people you really trust - I'd even say you love," he says. "But the problem with journalists is they think they can succeed at each other's expense."

SAS - Embassy Siege is on BBC2 tomorrow at 9pm.