Married, divorced - and not yet 30

The high break-up rate among those in their twenties has earned these failed relationships the nickname "starter marriages". But how does it feel to be married and divorced by the time you're 30?

Heidi Wildman, 26, a researcher from Wimbledon, was married at 20 to her first love and divorced less than three years later.

I met my ex-husband Michael while I was 19 and on a kibbutz in Israel. He was 25, a South African, and we met while picking mangoes together. He was my first love and I was blown away, and when I came back to Britain to start my degree at Edinburgh University, he came with me.

Just a few months later, in December, we got married. I really thought he was "the one", but of course I had nothing to compare him with. One of the reasons we married so quickly was so that he could work in this country, and, later, some of my family suggested that it was the only reason he married me, but I really don't think it was.

It wasn't long before I found out he was having an affair. When I confronted him and he came clean, I was absolutely devastated. He left me for the other woman but he rang me every day from her house crying and saying how much he loved me and missed me. I carried on seeing him, because I really wanted our marriage to work. It was the worst time of my life.

A year later we both decided we should give it a fresh start and made plans to emigrate together to South Africa. Everything seemed to be going right, but then he told me that he still had feelings for the other woman.

Something snapped inside me and I decided that enough was enough. I ripped up every photograph of him and wrote him the most vitriolic letter I've ever written. I put my engagement and wedding rings in the envelope and sent it off to him, and I have to say it was very satisfying indeed. I changed my flights, and instead of going to South Africa got on a plane to Australia on my own and didn't return to England for a year. The last thing I did before I left was see a solicitor to initiate divorce proceedings. I never saw him again.

When my husband first left me it was the most humiliating, devastating thing I have ever been through. But I weathered the storm and slowly realised that life does go on.

I am a lot stronger now because of what happened. I really don't think he meant to hurt me like he did. Twenty was far too young to get married; I really didn't have a clue about relationships and I now think you have to be very wary of your first love. I don't think I would marry again; I don't see the point.

When I was 19 I was completely different from how I am now, at 26, and I am sure that when I am 30 I will have changed again. I am more cautious in relationships; I know now that love isn't the only thing to be considered.

Soraya Wyke, owner of Loft 303, an art gallery in Commercial Street, E1, is 30. She married at 26, and split up with her husband two years later.

I had been with someone for eight years, and when I split up with him I thought: "Oh my God, I'm going to be single for ever." Then I met William, who was 22, in a bar in Soho and we got together. Within two weeks we went on a holiday to Paris and William proposed in the Moulin Rouge. There was a showgirl in an outrageous costume and I made some joke like, "I'd like to get married in Las Vegas looking like that." It was then that William asked me to marry him, and I immediately said "yes". By the time we flew to Las Vegas, we had known each other for six weeks. The ceremony lasted 20 minutes and our witness was the organ player. The following day I panicked. We were really married and it was a legally binding document. There was no going back. When we got home I realised that we didn't even know each other. Even so, we did think, "This is it." We were totally in love and we thought we were going to be together for ever.

The first year was really good. He was studying and didn't have much money but I had some savings, which we lived off. I didn't work and we had a great time going shopping and going out for dinner all the time. Then the money ran out. I went back to work, but William was in his final year at college. He'd roll in at six in the morning after partying all night, but I had to get up at eight.

It was around our first anniversary that things began to go wrong. I was starting to really worry about our finances, and our rows just got worse and worse. We went to marriage guidance counselling, but the relationship was really over by then anyway. After two years of married life we separated.

My first marriage has made me really cautious. I don't really want a relationship - or at least, not a serious one. My ideal would be to have a Tuesday to Thursday boyfriend for a bit of company, but that's it. As far as future relationships go, I'd be much more calculating than I was when I was younger, and I would have to gain from the relationship in some way, whether it was by having serious emotional stability or three holidays a year. I'm very happy, now, and I am seeing someone at the moment, but I wouldn't even call him a boyfriend as such, and that's fine by me.

Dan Harrison, 30, a television sound recordist from Camberwell, was married at 23. The relationship broke down after seven weeks.

I met Melanie at a party when I was 22. We had a whirlwind romance for about six weeks, but she was Australian and had to go back home, so I didn't see her for four months. I was very much in love with her and missed her terribly, so when she came back again I asked her to marry me. I also wanted her to have a stamp in her passport so she wouldn't have to leave again.

We were together for a year before we married and, before the wedding, we were very happy. I think the wedding ruined the relationship. At first, we planned to have a low-key thing at a register office and maybe have a party afterwards. But Melanie called her dad in Australia and said: "Dad, I need $5,000 for a party." He was thrilled that his only daughter was getting married and decided to come over.

The whole thing snowballed, and I became more and more uncomfortable. But I'd asked her and she'd said yes, and I couldn't back out. We had a party for 500 at a rich friend's house, a honeymoon at the Langham Hilton, she had this huge dress, I had a new designer suit - it was terrifying. My friend made a video of the day and I look like a rabbit caught in the headlights - scared rigid.

I was really in love with her but I think the pressure killed off all the passion. In the lead-up to the big day we were arguing a lot, and within six weeks she was throwing plates at me.

We'd been out for the evening and she thought I'd been flirting with one of her friends and just exploded. We were in the kitchen and she grabbed a plate from the dresser and threw it at me; I ducked and it smashed against the wall. I said: "I think it's time you left." And she did.

She moved in with her friend and we separated for good. It felt like splitting up with any other girlfriend, rather than a wife, and it just confirmed to me that the relationship hadn't been that special.

I only divorced Melanie when a girlfriend asked me to. I hadn't wanted to spend £500 on paying a solicitor. I would marry again if I was certain I had met the right person, but I've learned a lot about marriage and it's not something I will go into again until I am really sure.