If I could cook for Dubya...

As the Presidential circus comes to town and Nigella dons her best pinny, we ask some of London's top chefs what they would make for Blair and Bush...

Giorgio Locatelli, Locanda Locatelli:

"How can I forget that Mr Bush is visiting - I'm near the American Embassy and every day our deliveries are slowed up by a security alert. My scallop delivery man was arrested today.

"I've cooked for Mr Blair before so I hope I know what he likes. I would cook very rich fish - maybe mackerel - with a lot of omega oil (good for the heart). This would also be helpful for Dubya Bush since he seems to be criticised for his intelligence, and the phosphorus [brain food] would be helpful.

"I would finish with the Italian fruit-filled bread, panettone. It's a sign of peace and, at the end of the day, that's what we really need."

Antonio Carluccio, Carluccio's restaurant chain:

"I am known as the godfather of fungi, so they'd be starting with a truffle dish - Tartra, a light and mellow dish of baked double cream with herbs and a white-truffle sauce.

"This would be followed by a British classic, venison paired with dried morels. For a finale I'd serve baked pear with double zabaglione served with moscato dessert wine. Oops, the President doesn't drink, does he?"

Garry Hollihead, Embassy:

"I'd serve them pheasant with Brussels sprouts. Pheasant because it has already been shot and sprouts to give them wind. Maybe sour grapes for dessert."

Marco Pierre White, restaurant proprietor:

"I have always declined the opportunity to cook for Tony Blair. I did, however, shoot and cook a pheasant for Margaret Thatcher when we were equally close to America.

"These days I have a menu at Planet Hollywood that might suit both parties. To add some humour I might cook some frogs' legs and kebabs ... or, to make President Bush feel at home, Rocky Mountain oysters. For those who don't know, there are no oysters in the mountains. It's a euphemism for bulls' balls."

Sam Clark, Moro:

"What would I cook for President Bush? Pan-fried sheep brains, capers, preserved lemons and fresh coriander. I think that explains how I feel about him."

Richard Corrigan, Lindsay House:

"I would give them a very, very warm welcome indeed. The cook's role is as peacemaker and, since they have a few issues to sort out, we need to make them feel happy and good so they make the right decisions.

"As it's around Thanksgiving, I'd have to give Bush a big roast turkey with all the trimmings; sprouts, pumpkin marinated with ginger and orange compote and, of course, some really nice roast potatoes using floury Irish potatoes. And dessert?

"A huge bowl of fig-and-mascarpone trifle for them to share - but alcohol-free as the President is teetotal."

Angela Hartnett, The Connaught:

"Do I have to cook for them both? I'm very happy to host Tony Blair but not so happy about hosting President Bush. Well, if I have to, then I would serve Scottish smoked salmon, followed by either roast fillet of beef with horseradish cream and red-wine sauce, or Dover sole if they wanted fish.

"Dessert would be sherry trifle or a steamed lemon pudding. Mr Bush is in Britain so he should have British food."

Aldo Zilli, the Zilli restaurant group:

"Deliveries are a nightmare with all the security around this visit, so they're not getting anything nice from me. They don't deserve it. I would cook them an Indian meal - something really hot, like a vindaloo - so they would be going to the toilet all night.

"I think that would be appropriate revenge. As for dessert, no arsenic, maybe rhubarb and lemon to help the vindaloo along. And a word to lovely Nigella: good luck - rather you than me."