I sacrificed my body

When I wake up in the morning, I put my hands on the strange shapes on my chest. I can feel foreign objects with curved edges under the skin. Even covered by my T-shirt, it's obvious that these are not my natural breasts. Too wide apart, very round and oddly flat on the front, they are also completely numb."

This is not the story of plastic surgery gone wrong. Vikki Jones, a 33-year-old mother of two, is describing the aftermath of what some might believe to be a shocking decision to have both her breasts removed.

She was not suffering from breast cancer and, as yet, she doesn't even know whether she carries the fault in the gene that causes the disease. Indeed, she may soon find out that she need not have taken such desperate measures to avoid it. Despite her reservations about the sensory qualities of the reconstruction, she constantly affirms that she has no regrets about the operation two weeks ago and is relieved to be rid of her breasts whatever the gene test results show.

Fear of breast cancer drove Vikki to make what some might call a foolhardy decision to mutilate her body willingly by having her breasts removed. With an avalanche of information and scare stories urging women to be more aware of breast cancer in the environment and the food we eat, many are becoming increasingly fearful that they're particularly susceptible.

Vikki was especially concerned because her mother died of the disease at just 41 and her older sister Kelly developed it at 36.

The family's GP advised Vikki, Kelly and their sister, Emma (now 34), that as their mother had breast cancer so young, they should have regular screening as soon as they reached 25.

"My sisters and I took regular six-monthly screenings as advised, and five years ago Kelly's mammogram picked up pre-cancerous cells. She had her right breast removed and an immediate reconstruction; there was no further treatment as her doctors thought the cancer had been caught early.

"However, it turned out from the tissue biopsy that there was a tumour which had not been picked up on the mammogram. This was devastating; Kelly couldn't take the chemotherapy because it made her so ill, so she opted to stop after three sessions, deciding to have radiotherapy and a radical change of diet. Thank God, she is in remission. But after everything that had happened, I became increasingly fearful that I, too, would get breast cancer in my thirties.

"I was aware that I could be tested for the fault in the gene, but my doctor, Ian Fentiman at Guy's Hospital, also said I could take the radical approach of having both breasts removed.

"It may seem extraordinary, but I did not flinch at this. Instead, I went away and researched the idea thoroughly, contacting the British Medical Council, reading many research papers and looking on the internet."

Vikki, who lives in Belvedere, Kent, and works in hospital nursing recruitment, toyed with the idea of having the operation for three years, not actually believing that she could go through with it. This, she says, had nothing to do with vanity. "My breasts were not for me objects of femininity - they were objects of fear. As time went on, I became more fearful of history repeating itself and could not bear the thought of my children being left without me.

"I finally made the decision and told Dr Fentiman that I wanted to go ahead with the double mastectomy. He told me that this should not be done until I had been through counselling and knew beyond all doubt that this was what I wanted. In September this year, he felt I was ready.

"I was referred to surgeon Mr Hisham Hamed and we talked everything through. I decided that I would like to have a reconstruction but, after much soul-searching, wanted to make one concession to my femininity by keeping my own nipples. Without the operation my chances of getting breast cancer stood at 40-50 per cent if I was carrying the gene. If I went ahead but kept my nipples, the risk was just two to five per cent.

"Once I had made the decision to go ahead, I didn't lose any sleep about it. I knew there would be pain, but this did not worry me - it seemed a small price to pay. Everyone else seemed far more worried than I was. My husband, Phil, and I separated earlier this year and he was scared for me, but incredibly supportive. The children - Millie is five, Tate is two - were far too young to understand what was going on, but Phil came back to live with us so that he could take care of them while I was in hospital for a week and recovering at home afterwards."

As Vikki had still not been tested for the faulty gene, she knew that there was a chance she might not be at such high risk of the disease and could be about to take this radical step for nothing. "I really didn't care ... I was willing to take the chance. I knew that I would never look back in regret. Whatever the results of the gene test, I would never have felt reassured. Apparently, the results are not always conclusive. I will soon take the test, but this is only now important for Millie's sake. We need to know whether I may have passed the gene on to her."

"The operation went well, although I was under the knife for four-and-a-half hours - two hours more than I'd been told to expect. When I came round, I looked down at my 'new breasts' which were covered in see-through dressings and had drains coming out of them. Unlike a cosmetic implant, in which the incisions are made under the breasts, I was cut at the side so that all the tissue could be removed and the implants inserted.

I was not in any pain as I had been given heavy-duty painkillers, but through the morphine haze, I panicked when I thought I could see a dent under the nipple of my left breast, but I was assured that this had been caused by swelling and would sort itself out, which it did.

"Relieved as I was immediately after the operation, there was still the fear that a tissue biopsy might show - as in my sister's case - that there were signs of cancer.

"Before I had my breasts removed I was perfectly happy with my figure, although I've always been more concerned about how my legs look rather than my breasts. Therefore my body image remains the same because I am not disappointed that my 'new' breasts do not look or feel natural. I understand that a 'cosmetic' boob job involves the natural breast tissue being enhanced by the implant, so when there is nothing else under the skin but the implant, one cannot expect anything more.

"My surgeon did a great job - the scars have started to fade already - and I am overjoyed to be rid of the breasts that plagued my life."

Hereditary Breast Cancer Helpline: 01629 813000