Drugs: the way I relax

My friends and I go out to raves most Saturdays, and taking lots of different drugs goes with the territory. I am 27 and I know that what I do goes against every sensible piece of advice there is, from parents to doctors, but this is how a lot of people my age like to relax.

We're all well educated, have got well-paid careers and work pretty hard during the week - I am an IT consultant. So when the weekend comes we need to let go. I read the stories last week about the dangers of mixing drugs and I am aware that no one really knows what all the different combinations can do. The figures said that 85 per cent of the 202 ecstasy deaths in England and Wales in the past five years involved mixing it with other drugs.

I also know that even occasional users of ecstasy are prone to depression. We are not stupid. We all know the dangers, but it's a calculated risk. Drugs are the best way to de-stress and enhance your mood. It's a form of escapism.

Most Saturdays, we'll start off with a few pints down the pub or at home. It always starts with alcohol. Then before you know it you're racking up lines of speed or cocaine. Cocaine costs between £30 and £50 a gram and I'll probably take a gram during the evening. This takes the edge off the drunkenness and livens things up until we are ready to go out.

By this time, it'll be at least 11pm and the rave parties are starting to kick off. That's where we'll go to take ecstasy. It's not easy to score pills, but they are always available at raves. I take an average of four or five pills over the course of the night, at a cost of about £5 each, to give me a really buzzy, euphoric high. That's the minimum for a night out. Sometimes I go a bit mad - I have taken up to 10 in one night.

Being at a rave is where you'll tend to take ketamine, a horse tranquilliser which you snort in the form of a white powder. It costs about £10 a gram, but I never do more than one line. I don't really like it because you completely lose control of yourself - the way you walk, talk and think. But when I'm really drunk and in the middle of a pill high, it can be an incredibly funny drug. It gives you a very intense high that lasts for about half an hour, during which you hallucinate. It's so debilitating that somehow it's funny, but it leaves you exhausted and a bit dazed. I've known people lose consciousness after taking too much of it.

Those drugs will keep you up the whole night. So, it's a question of getting really stoned and coming down. This means we all pile back to somebody's house and smoke loads of marijuana. On very rare occasions, I have smoked heroin on foil with a pipe. I've never taken it intravenously. Heroin is a dangerous thing to get into. These are the "downers" that help you to calm down.

I don't consider myself an addict. I use drugs at the weekend as a way to fuel my lifestyle. My life is very hectic. Work consumes about 70 hours of my week. I need to go mental in order to relax, whether that means getting really drunk or doing something else. I do drugs for energy, because they combat stress and because they are a great moodenhancer. Really, it's just a recreational thing.

Raves are a very natural environment in which to take drugs. Everyone is doing it. The music is good but it has another dimension when you're on drugs. You are able to relate to it much more.

I wouldn't want anyone to think I was advocating this sort of lifestyle. In the short term, the comedowns are not pleasant. After a binge, you won't sleep until the following night. Physically, you've got no energy, but usually you don't feel bad straight away. It depends on the quantity, but if I've taken a lot I'll have a fairly numb first day back at work because I'm still out of it. Tuesday is the worst day because the drugs will have completely worn off and I feel absolutely awful. The thing that concerns me most is that my kidneys really hurt. And if I've done lots of cocaine, I'll have a nose-bleed for a couple of days, as well. Quite often I'll also have a cough that will last for about three days.

I'm sure it's having all sorts of long-term effects on my body. For example, I do get ill occasionally, which I blame on the drugs. I got measles a couple of years ago. I wouldn't be surprised if my immune system is not very strong. I can go for two days without eating when I'm on a binge, and that definitely isn't healthy.

Also, you lose focus on the rest of your life because you're quite tired much of the time. If I get down, then it's probably the drugs, although I tend not to think about that. My body is probably going to crack at some point.

But at the moment, it's worth it. You tend to reject the risks. I think it helps if you've got a strong self destructive streak. You tend to have this attitude that you don't really care what happens. It's like you're pushing some sort of frontier. You know about the consequences but you don't talk about them. It would be like being at a drinking party and going around telling everyone what damage you're risking if you drink. You just don't do it.

There have been times when I've been dancing away and sweating and my heart is beating fast and my blood pressure must be terribly high, and I've felt that this is bordering on the dangerous. I can feel my heart going into palpitations a bit. But at the time, you're so "up" that you don't care. It's a detached kind of worry. You think, "maybe I've taken too much", but it doesn't really matter.

I don't think there's anything in my background that makes me take drugs. My childhood was very happy. My dad is a community artist in Bristol and my mum is now a teacher in Spain. I went to private school and university, enjoy my job and I earn good money. I have a girlfriend, Vicky, and although we don't live together we are pretty solid. I've just moved out of a shared flat in Camden and am living by myself in Plaistow, which is a bit of move to get away from the drugs.

The trouble is that once I start, it's hard to say no. That's why it's important for me to control the environment in which I take drugs, ensure that I am using with people I know and that I don't spend more than £200 a night on drugs. I know that one day soon I'll stop doing so much, but it's hard to stop when you're having so much fun.

A DOCTOR'S VIEW: Fabrizio Schifano is a consultant psychiatrist at St George's Hospital in south-west London and senior lecturer in the department of addictive behaviour at the hospital's medical school.

"Anyone who takes up to six different drugs in one night is playing Russian roulette with their lives. Sociologically, we do not know why these young people feel the need to take so many different drugs at once, and, medically speaking, even a pharmacologist doesn't know the effect that it will have on your body.

"Our research shows that taking just two drugs increases the effects of both substances on your system. These young people are experimenting on their own bodies. It is uncharted territory and it is very, very worrying."