Celebs and their quest to be slim

Only the very resolute will be able to get to the end of this month without succumbing to a diet of some description. In fact, you've probably caved in already. Calorie counting, is it? Food combining? Maybe you've banished carbohydrates this year or declared war on proteins.

Whatever your chosen diet, you will undoubtedly have been driven to it after reading some amazing statistic proving beyond reasonable doubt that you're much, much fatter than you thought you were. 'Britain is one of the heaviest nations in Europe'; 'more than one in two adults is overweight'; 'over two-thirds of the population cannot stand the sight of themselves in the bathroom mirror'. See. It's virtually impossible to be British, an adult and a reasonable size all at the same time.

And if the barrage of statistics isn't enough to drive you to cabbage soup (a fat burner - if you're interested), the experts will get you. When they're not clubbing together to make programmes like Fat Club, they're forming the charity Weight Concern (like Age Concern, but bigger) or discovering the fat gene. Being a big bloater because you ate all the pies is one thing, but finding out that it's all down to your genetic make-up is a real blow. Fresh cauliflower and spring onion soup may be a marvel, but it's no match for flawed DNA.

Meanwhile, you soldier on with your diet plan. The first three days are tolerable, the fourth and fifth are just about manageable, but by day six you've turned into a food obsessive. Not in the sense that you've got a taut, size-four body (and closely resemble your staple food, the broccoli floret). More in the sense that you've turned into a dribbling freak who cries in the presence of tuna steaks and can accurately guess the number of cherry tomatoes in 400g.

But as our guide to the diets of the stars shows, there's nothing a famous person won't try in the quest to be slim. From Karl Lagerfeld's homeopathic remedies to ES chef Allegra McEvedy's food trainer, there's an alarming array of methods on offer. Just don't eat the whole cactus at once.

Karl Lagerfeld - lost 4 3/4 stone in 6 months
Geri Halliwell - lost 1 1/2 stone in 2 years
Carol Vorderman - lost a dress size in 28 days
Denise Van Outen - Lost 1 stone in 6 months
5 steps for healthy eating
Re-educating the chef