Carol Barnes tells of her agony

Newsreader Carol Barnes today spoke for the first time about the death of her daughter in a skydiving accident.

Clare Barnes, 24, fell 14,000ft to her death after kissing her boyfriend as they took part in her 200th jump in Australia three months ago.

She was killed instantly. Today ITV newscaster Miss Barnes, 59, told how she has tried to cope since.

News of the tragedy was broken to her by Clare's skydiving instructor boyfriend, Chris "Douggs" Mac-Dougall.

"The phone rang and it was Douggs. He was crying and said: 'It's the most terrible news,' she told Hello magazine.

"My heart went but I didn't know he was going to say she was dead. He kept on saying: 'She fought it to the last.' Apparently she was fighting to get her parachute open and he could see it all clearly as he was flying right there beside her.

"It was all unreal. After I put the receiver down it hit me. I ran round the house crying, screaming and banging walls."

After contacting Clare's father, the Minister for Europe Denis MacShane, she flew out to Australia for the funeral and returned with her ashes.

"I still feel I am living in a nightmare," she said. "The realisation hasn't really sunk in yet and I don't know if it ever will.

"The days and weeks after the news were like a hazy dream - nothing seemed real. I just cannot think of her as dead.

"Because I've been so busy I haven't been able to dwell on her death. But I fear it will get worse. "I am trying to get on with my life but it is not easy."

It is believed Clare's parachute, which was her own, was packed incorrectly and she died after the cords of her main parachute wrapped around her body and became entangled in her emergency chute.

Parts of her kit were also incompatible and poorly maintained, according to an official accident report into the incident at Barwon Heads, near Melbourne.

Miss Barnes, who currently works on ITV's 24-hour digital news channel, also told how she has created a miniature "shrine" to her daughter. A bookcase in her old bedroom holds the gold stud she wore in her tongue, a favourite butterfly brooch, her teenage diaries, her old wallet and a selection of photographs. It also holds her ashes.

"I suppose in years to come the crying-will cease. But now it happens most days," she said.

"Sometimes I can go out and have a good time and then I think: 'What am I doing?'. But I am sure Clare would want me to be happy again. "Sometimes I think of her sitting on a cloud saying: 'Go for it, mum!'"