Business trip cheats

You're thousands of miles away from home, pumped up with adrenaline having just secured a huge export contract — but you have no one with whom to celebrate.

The hotel room is bleak and lonely, just like every business hotel in every city in the world. You call your wife and tell her the good news. She’s delighted, of course, but the children need their bath and she doesn’t really
have time to talk right now.

Suddenly the thrill you got from winning that big deal evaporates. Now all you feel is the distance between you and your family. You feel desperate for company, the chatter of other human beings, so you wander down to the bar.

Mellowed by a couple of drinks, you strike up a conversation with a stranger ...

And so begins another sexual affair. It sounds like a cliché, but psychologists say there is clear evidence of a link between business travel and infidelity.

One survey found that when businessmen travel they are twice as likely as holiday travellers to have sex with someone new.

The reasons are not hard to find. Business travellers tend to have the kind of disposable income needed to conduct affairs — meals, presents and hotel rooms usually have to be paid for during an illicit liaison and the wealthy are more attractive than the poor. One survey found that over 90 per cent of men earning
more than £60,000 a year are unfaithful.

Business travel, of course, often means the company is paying for the meals and hotel room anyway — rendering the affair even more convenient and affordable.

Nor are the causes of such adultery hard to find. Business travel can be stressful, boring and lonely, and these are all emotional states that enhance the quest for company. The travelling lifestyle may also have introduced strains to the marriage, creating a double whammy of preparing the background and providing the opportunity.

So what are the telltale signs that your partner is being unfaithful while he (or she, of course) is away on business?

SIGNS TO LOOK FOR

Some studies suggest that when a spouse is suspicious their partner is having an affair they are right nine times out of 10. But how do you tell the difference between jealousy, possessiveness, paranoia and the harsh truth that
your partner is “playing away”?

One sign is a special liking for business travel. If you get the feeling your partner relishes rather than simply endures the trips, you have cause for concern. The absence of any invitation to combine a business trip with a
mutual holiday, or to use his air miles to bring you along should ring warning bells.

Likewise watch for a tendency to avoid talking about the details of the trip. This could be because he fears that telling too much increases the risk that some indiscretion will give him away.

Another warning is if your spouse fails to take the quickest arrangements there and back — such as adding an extra night away or including a connection through a town that was not strictly necessary.

HOW TO CATCH A CHEAT

. Phone him or her at an unaccustomed time Those who are not in their hotel room when they should be — or who appear reluctant to talk for long — might have something or someone to hide.

. Look at credit card receipts Expensive meals or bar bills at glamorous night spots are a big clue. Some get so careless as to buy presents or flowers for their lovers with their credit card. Unconsciously, many want the affair to be discovered to finally bring to a head issues they were unable to confront. This is what psychologists term an “exit” affair — they were trying out other relationships until they had the confidence to survive a marital breakdown.

. Call the office If your partner’s colleagues seem uncomfortable talking to you, be worried. They will almost certainly know about an illicit affair before you do, especially if it’s with someone else who works for the company.

. Say you’ve got to go away for a couple of days. Then pop out to the shops for an hour. On your return, press redial on the phone to find out who your spouse rang with the news they could have a tryst.

. Check phone bills Your partner’s mobile phone records or even call memory facility can reveal the number of the person they are seeing.

. Go to the airport to give your spouse a lift home. You never know who you might catch them with.

. Hire a detective. This is the most extreme way of establishing the truth. But the key issue to resolve first is what would you do if you found out your partner was betraying you? Many spouses choose not to do anything because they do not feel in a position to leave a partner on whom they depend financially or emotionally. They may fear being alone again or have nowhere to go to anyway.

In this situation trying to discover whether your partner is having an affair is usually pointless. Indeed the inability to do anything definite makes it unlikely you would detect adultery anyway, as you are not motivated to see the
uncomfortable truth.

The best thing, however, is to work to make an affair an impossibility by ensuring that the only affair your partner is having is the one with you.

Dr Raj Persaud is the author of Staying Sane: How to Make Your Mind Work For You (Bantam, £6.99).