Bollywood jives

Being more of a Pacha than a popadum girl, I wasn't overwhelmed at the news that I was to attend a class in Bollywood dancing. My only experience of Bollywood is watching a shoot on the beach in Kerala, southern India, where the plot consisted, as far as I could tell, of cute chick meets Delhi-belly-inducing fat moustachioed guy and four hours of bad music. But I figure if Heather Graham can sing Hindi in her next Hollywood movie, The Guru, then who am I to baulk at dancing Bollywood in Ilford?

Indian film and music has hit the mainstream this year. Thora Birch starts off the film Ghost World by shimmying to a Bollywood number, while Nicole Kidman gets in on the act with the Moulin Rouge soundtrack. Andrew Lloyd Webber is producing a West End show called Bollywood Dreams, and Bollywood style, in the form of celebs, art, music and fashion, will be invading Selfridge's in May. There is even a fitness craze in New York and LA called the Masala Bhangra workout, involving such moves as the Bhangra Bomb and the Dhol Kick. These days, dhol drum beats are spliced with reggae, hip hop and techno, while bhangra - energetic folk dancing to Indian bhangra pop - often incorporates street dance, body waves and the sort of funky stuff you'd see of a Sunday at the ?bercool Body and Soul club in New York.

In the interests of research, I bought tickets for the smash-hit film Monsoon Wedding to see what all the fuss is about, dragging two male friends along who thought they were off to see Lord of the Rings. After initial threats of a walk-out, the pair perked up considerably when the sexy sequined co-star came on and they realised that Indian dancing has a lot in common with a night out at Stringfellows. In fact, they brought a new meaning to the term "going for an Indian".

Bollywood dancing is indeed as slinky as salsa and sexy as a scar, but it ain't easy. First rule is to keep smiling. And that's where my teacher comes in. Actress/singer/ model/ dancer Honey Kalaria combines the sparky enthusiasm of an electric fence with the smile of a girl who's just won Miss Universe. If you did meet her down Pacha of a Friday, you'd probably think she was on a Potter (a new variety of Ecstasy pill which has Harry Potter's face on it).

Born in Africa, her mother is from Sudan, and her father from India. She started dancing and performing from the age of four, later learning Latin, classical, rock 'n' roll and belly dancing. After studying Bollywood and bhangra for years, she went to India to perfect the art and is now considered the UK's top modern-Indian-dance expert. Crispin Mills, lead singer of Kula Shaker, later saw her sitar-studded work, and asked her to choreograph his video Peasants, Pigs and Astronauts. "I ended up dancing till 2am," laughs Kalaria. "I thought, God, this is hard work, and my co-star was a live pig." She also choreographed Bollywood Queen, a concert for Soul II Soul, and supplied students to dance in the hit Bollywood movie Kabhie Khushu Kabhie Gham. Her next appearance will be the Ali G film, In Da House due out this year.

Everyone in Kalaria's dance class, held in a hall off Ilford Lane, is dolled up - I'm glad I wore my Ananya trousers and had an emergency shine treatment at Neville's in Pont Street to get a bit of raven-hair gloss. We start off arched over one outstretched leg, with our hands in classical position (bring in your little finger and twist your hand round). Lots of the subsequent moves are pure sex - shaking your hips, shimmying your bust, strutting round catwalk style while your hands slide down your hair, down over your chest and back round to reach your bottom. There's lots of saucy pointing and shaking, too. The razor-sharp, come-hither routine is interspersed with a lot of twists and turns and "Get- off-me, moustachioed-fat-man" moves.

This is certainly more energetic than my aerobics class. And more friendly. When I miss something, 18-year-old Selena Roberts who has Bollywood movie experience, kindly shows me how to do it. Everyone, especially Selena, is on the beat. I, on the other hand, am totally off it. But come Friday, I shall be practising my Bollywood moves down Pacha, and I'm sure I'll fit in fine.

To book a Bollywood or bhangra class withHoney Kalaria, call 020 8590 8050.