Around the Isle of Wight in 11 days

A glorious day. The P&O superliner Aurora sets off from Southampton for a round-the-world cruise - or what P&O prefers to call a Grand Voyage - taking in 40 ports in 23 countries. There is a palpable air of excitement on board as the 1,759 passengers, who have paid anything between ?9,800 and ?42,000 for the privilege, look forward to the first stop, the Portuguese island of Madeira, with its "amazing landscapes" and "breathtaking views".

Monday, 10 January:

Not quite such a glorious day. The Aurora develops a mechanical problem, and gets no farther than the Isle of Wight as engineers try to

their disappointment they are treated to breathtaking views of Fawley oil refinery. Plus free drinks at dinner.

Tuesday, 11 January:

The Aurora finally sets off - but only for a test voyage to the Isle of Wight and back. Seven passengers decide to cut their losses and go home. The rest put on a brave face as they are served free drinks at the bar.

Wednesday, 12 January:

More delays as the engineers try to figure out whether the problem is a broken widget or a faulty grommet. P&O Cruises tells passengers that - as the ship will not be leaving for another six days - they can either go home and get their money back or stay on the Aurora and be entertained by veteran comedian Tom O'Connor.

Thursday, 13 January:

O'Connor has done five shows so far. Ann Wilson, who celebrated her 58th birthday the previous day, decides she would be better off back home in Barnsley. The two facts are not necessarily related. The remaining passengers are treated to line dancing and an anti-ageing skin seminar.

Friday, 14 January: The "comedy cavalry" - Jimmy Tarbuck and Paul Daniels - are flown in for a weekend of special shows. Extraordinarily most passengers decide they are still better off on board.

Tuesday, 18 January: P&O Cruises announces the Aurora is sailing today. Definitely. No doubt about it whatsoever.

Wednesday, 19 January:

Dawn breaks, and is that Madeira's amazing landscapes in the distance? No, it's the Isle of Wight again. Despite the presence of a military band to see them off the Aurora still has mechanical problems. Worse, the passengers are told they will have to start paying for their own drinks. By the evening - by which time they should have been enjoying the coral reefs off Recife, Brazil - 385 decide it is time to leave.

Thursday, 20 January:

P&O finally announces the cruise is cancelled. Passengers are given a full refund and money towards another P&O jaunt. At time of writing, rumours that it will include a special Isle of Wight stop-off cannot be confirmed.